We all know that won’t work. Try this instead.
“Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are.”
Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.
no wonder it didn’t work, that’s not even cheese
Nilered did a video on this, it’s technically at least cheese-adjacent
i mean, so is grass
It’s cheese, with stuff added to it. The stuff being more milk and some shit to keep it solid at room temperature as well as shelf-stability. It’s essentially a solidified cheese sauce. You can even make it at home.
But why would you?
Road trip nachos. The cheese only melts when you get into Death Valley.
He failed though. Arrest him, and bring me someone taller.
Edit: or better at jump shots.
To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they’re ovulating.
The cheese is under my foreskin
That’s kind of an insane gift for a first date given how expensive cheese is.
I mean, if he makes it himself or knows the people who do, he probably gets it a lot cheaper than at the store.
True love right there
Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.
I read that as “a slice of milk” and like. Technically yeah it’s not wrong
Yeah but this one unironically works for a lot of women.
Works for a lot of men too. I mean not me. I prefer mozzarella.
Idk, this piece of advice legitimately works on my wife.
That shoe one just reminded me that when we bought our house and had to start renovations on it, the attic had lots of women’s shoes. Just one shoe from a pair and all different shoes. I have so many questions for the previous owner, but unfortunately they are no longer with us.
If they were all the same size, perhaps amputee?
Or maybe a really specific fetish.
Maybe both.
Quite possibly a question best left unanswered, at least until you no longer live there
Maybe they robbed a shoe store. On displays they frequently leave one shoe from a pair so that stealing them just nets you a pile of left shoes lol
My ex gf and i used to steal each other fancy cheeses. It was the most intense love i have ever felt.
How do you steal each other fancy cheeses? Or steal fancy cheese from each other?
So, you steal a fancy cheese, right? Then you give it to your girlfriend. Then maybe she steals a fancy cheese that reminds her of you and passes it off. Now youve stolen each other fancy cheeses.
From where though? The fancy cheese store? Does every town have one of these for purposes of romantic theft?
It’s called a fromagerie, pleb
Wherever.
I like the idea that these are all steps to one process. Like, you gotta steal her shoe and some hair and pins, and the best distraction is with cheese.
Fascinating
🖖
also: username checks out
I tried this with my fiance with a dairy allergy and now I’m single again.
Bitches love cheddar
The stinkier the cheese, the more the fascination!
Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.
That sounds like Strong Bad’s alter ego.
The Cheat is vacuuming.
The Cheat is ovulating.
No relation.
In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.
And if the woman happens to overreact to the period question, just politely tell her to calm down.
If she doesn’t, tell her she’s acting crazy.
Bonus points if you instead say she is being hysterical.
Some females respond better to positive reinforcement. Ask her to give you a little spin/twirl to break the tension and get her moving.
I saw the reply in my inbox and had a reaction to “females” there, like “ugh, not one of THESE folks who still talk like that.” Because I didn’t remember the nature of this thread until I got back into the comments :)
… not forgetting to add a term of endearement, such as “sweetie”, “honey” or “babe”.
I think “toots” has been overlooked in this comment
Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy im arguing with points that out.
That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know anything about women to dispute it.
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It’s typo progressive for him. He’s the “your wife shouldn’t get wet” type.
Edit: autocorrect fail in the worst/best way there
Dont get her wet, don’t feed her after midnight. Hes very strict about rules for his wife.
Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?
Madam, my compliments to your ovaries 🎩💪🏼🥚🙇
My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.
Why, thank you, I’ve just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.
Pretty sure that’s my first gag-upvote. Thanks, I guess.
Community Note: This is actually bad advice that will get you stabbed
You’re right, and I find it hilarious that this needs to be noted.
Can confirm, was stabbed.
Oh yeah. Zero chance of back fire. Zero. Had sex all my life - once with a women. Trust me.
once with a women. Trust me.
Stop bragging
The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.
What’s sad about learning something new and getting laid?
Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.
Certainly, m’lady!
I sincerely hope you’re /s ing.
Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.
Hi. Welcome to the Internet.
Have a look around 🎶
And some woman will have a good laugh and a narrow escape
This is like when you teach someone that a swear is a greeting in a foreign language
🖕 peace among worlds!
Yes, please do that. So we are immediately aware that we should get away as fast as possible.
TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅
Where the fuck do you keep all the eggs? Do you have a walk in fridge?
Congrats! 🎉🎉🌻
Every day here and I don’t even have ovaries!
Possibly like “false pregnancy” in dogs?
I’m in heat thanks to climate change.
Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.
Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.
Pretty sure it’s a joke.
We live in a post irony world and I literally can’t tell the difference without knowing the source.
Why not both?
Of course, I forgot answer C. All of the above.
We all love some good ol’ mansplainimg.
I have a sudden urge to vacuum, and without ovaries! 😍
Vacuuming? Are you ovulating or something?
So you just like to suck then? ;)
