- cross-posted to:
- technology@beehaw.org
- cross-posted to:
- technology@beehaw.org
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All of them being opened by a single money grubbing company, which has enshitified them to an accounting degree has not helped
accounting
squints eyes not sure if typo or not
Also opened instead of operated, so likely autocorrect.
Opened is probably meant to be owned.
And accounting is probably supposed to be acute.
And “grubbing”, grabbing.
Moral of this message: proofread your stiff. Uh stuff.
Money grubbing is the correct term.
Money grabbing is a slightly bone apple tea thing.
That and who can afford the apps nowadays? Not me.
I’ve paid for a few to see if it helps - It does and I feel like it was worth it up until 2 years ago when they changed how matching works. But you know what doesn’t work, people telling the truth on their profile.
it’s not because there isn’t a desperate need. it’s that they are predatory and make a hard thing fucking impossible, and have a vested interest in making it impossible and charging for the solution, but not a good enough solution to invalidate needing to keep using it.
I of of the opinion that these sites commoditize women. They take in profiles, they curate and hoard them. They know that men will pay to get access to them, so they put the best “opportunities” behind their paywall. If you don’t pay, you can see them, but have low chances of getting their attention. I presume the same happens to both sides, but regardless of how they operate, they don’t want you to find someone. They don’t make money if you find someone and quit using the app.
They manipulate a population that is hooked on convenience and pretend to offer the same thing. Be a lazy turd and find a hot woman from your sofa. That isn’t realistic, but that’s the pitch. Nobody starts dating thinking “hmm, I want the chunky person who has no other hobbies than swiping on their phone while Netflix plays in the background”. If these apps were at all helpful, they’d tell you to put on some pants, get off the sofa and develop some appealing interests (no, “hiking” isn’t one of them because you don’t actually do it).
Good fucking riddance if this is at all true.
Are they? All my friends in their 30s have more than one app. Or had it, when they were single.
What has really been dying for quite some time is “third spaces”. That’s what we need to get back really, beyond dating. Just plain socializing and enjoying togetherness.
What they mean is that dating apps have been enshitified to the point that most of them no longer function.
Aldo, users (and bot operators masquerading a users) have gamed the algorithms to the point at which they’re even more useless than they were when they started.
The more people use them, the less they work. That’s kind of the whole model right?
They are inherently all flawed because they keep you away from the single only reliable way to date: growing your social circle.
Even if you match someone, that’s a single date where you may or may not continue to see each other. Whereas if you spend all that time and effort hanging out with your friends, getting to know people that are in your and their orbits, you are growing your social circle exponentially and exposing yourself to far more dating opportunities while looking like you’re not even trying. And even if it doesn’t work, you are still making being single more fun for yourself by having a rich social life.
Just spend that time reconnecting with old friends, hanging out with people from work or joining some club or class. That’s how to be successful dating. Specifically by not “dating”. To me dating is something that just happens naturally, you don’t need to go looking for it. Just be ready when the opportunity arises. Learn to spot them. Its a social skill like any.
“Monopoly fucks up the entire market, news at 11.”
It’s so uncommon to see good news these days.
Everything I’ve watched or read online seems to indicate that dating apps suck for an overwhelming majority of people so good riddance?
What I can’t figure out is what comes next. Singles events (at a bar for ex)? Meet up type events where your doing something with other single people? Friends try to set you up with someone?
I’ve been married for 10 plus years so I have no skin in the game but it’s an interesting topic to me.
I’ve been married for a long time too and we met on the greatest dating website of all time: Craigslist Personals.
You entered your gender, age, a written segment, and an optional photo. No algorithm, no matching. Everything written was searchable and published via RSS. All communication went through email. No app, no subscription, and the only ads were sex workers.
In the context of this article, it forced the user to engage by reading people’s blurbs instead of just swiping for brain chemicals like Candy Crush. You felt like you were talking the other humans and the website was just where you went to meet them.
If such a site were recreated today, users would want to run the RSS feed through a slop rejection filter.
Yeah Craigslist seem way more organic than any of today’s apps.
I think the plan is to start approaching people at the grocery store or attending interest based clubs/ meetups, oh and just being single.
Oof, approaching in public is stressssful. Interest based clubs/meetups seems like a solid strategy to me.
Or a fediverse alternative…
Nah to many dicks
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HOW is this Possible? All dating Apps do is make it IMPOSSIBLE to Find a Real Person! How is that NOT a Winning Strategy in the “Find a Real Person” Industry?
Good riddance
It’s fascinating how different women’s experiences with these stupid things are than men’s…
How so?
I’m a man who originally met women on these apps, but after a certain point everybody seemed to be a bot and the app seemed to be completely gamified, even when I used paid apps. Other people might have different experiences.
From what I understand, women are deluged with mobs of low-effort fuck boys and men are mostly ignored, which creates a feedback loop where men swipe on anything just for the hope of a match, which only makes things worse.
It’s really fascinating from a systems perspective. But it used to be better before enshittification, in my limited experience. The reality is that quickly finding a new partner you are ideally matched with is the very last thing these companies want you to do.
One of my friends, who is a woman, once showed me her dating app to show me why she found it so exhausting. I tell you, I’m ashamed of my fellow males. She got so many cheap messages from horny guys, to the point where she found the app useless.
For me, last time I used a dating app, I found it very hard to strike up a meaningful conversation with my matches. It was like I had to carry the whole conversation and they took forever to respond. So in that retrospect, it might be why some guys don’t put in much effort when contacting women. But most of the massages my friend showed me, where absolutely just mouth breathing horny guys.
My last runthrough with the apps, I’d carefully read everyone’s profile and craft an interesting introductory message. It took quite a bit of time and was rarely rewarded with a reply, much less a conversation, much less a first date. My messages got shorter and shorter until eventually I was just mass swiping. And, just as far as a use of time goes, if all that matters is a woman likes your profile, it’s more efficient to roboswipe and filter the women who match back.
Also, the emotional toll of serially declaring “I like you” and asking “do you like me?” only to be greeted by rejection after rejection is pretty devastating.
Anyway, very happy with my current girlfriend whom I randomly ran into at a store while looking for an accordion.
Anyway, very happy with my current girlfriend whom I randomly ran into at a store while looking for an accordion.
This could be good for at least a Hallmark movie.
And the grand gesture is me playing Billie Jean outside her engagement party to the business mogul?
No, he did Weird Al’s another one rides the bus on accordion outside her window, it was so romantic.
Gay dating apps are bad too. It’s no better with only men involved. On sniffies, for example, you get on and start texting with a cock pic. Want to have a conversation, get to know them, figure out if they are worth your time, hell, even if they are safe to be around and it’s treated as heretical. It’s just perverted goons.
Guys on these apps lobotomize themselves. They shouldn’t be breeding.
it could be worse. she could have gone on a date with one and they say something really sad like “all the women on there just want sex. I want something meaningful”
oh honey…you have been hitting up all the bots.
there is a point where most people go “this might be a scam” but there is a special few that go so far to give it a whole backstory.
Well duh, they earn money when you use their app. And you stop using the app if it does what it’s supposed to. Finding the love of your life is the worst possible thing to happen for the company since they lose you as a customer
quickly finding a new partner you are ideally matched with is the very last thing these companies want you to do.
Exactly. That’s the gamification. They want to keep you grinding against bots and employees, otherwise they won’t make money.
EDIT:
I’ll add that men are probably the customer here, and that might make women seem like the product, the company can actually swap out real women for bots and employees, making real women obsolete to the business model of dating apps.
Oh, men are definitely the customers. There was a website with a pornstar backer… Madison something or other. It was billed as a place to meet horny married women looking to have an affair–just sex, no attachment. It got hacked and, surprise surprise, it was entirely men talking to bots.
Edit:
Annalee Newitz, editor-in-chief of Gizmodo, analyzed the leaked data.[46] They initially found that only roughly 12,000 (0.22%) of the 5.5 million registered female accounts were used regularly.[47][48] The vast majority of accounts had been used only once — the day they were registered. Newitz also found that many women’s accounts were created from the same IP address, suggesting there were many fake accounts. They found that women checked email messages very infrequently: every one time a woman checked her email, 13,585 men checked theirs. Only 9,700 of the 5.5 million female accounts had ever replied to a message, compared to the 5.9 million men who would do the same. They concluded, “The women’s accounts show so little activity that they might as well not be there.”[47] In a subsequent article the following week Newitz acknowledged that they had “misunderstood the evidence” in their previous article and that their conclusion that there were few females active on the site had been based on data recording “bot” activities in contacting members. Newitz confirmed that Ashley Madison had created more than 70,000 female bots to send millions of fake messages to male users. Still, they note that “we have absolutely no data recording human activity at all in the Ashley Madison database dump from Impact Team. All we can see is when fake humans contacted real ones.” They noted that the site seemed to keep track of human-to-human contact but that the Impact Team had not released this data.[49]
almost everything i heard about ashely, is about someone is a serial cheater.
I can imagine. The difference between accidentally falling for someone at work, and sitting in front of a computer, credit card hand, is quite a difference in intentionality.
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User name checks out.
Constantly. Show me the lie.
I’m not saying you’ re wrong that women don’t like to approach men online. Bumble says 2/3s of women they surveyed said they don’t want to do it (which does leave 1/3, so you can update your extreme statement)…
But to calm your aggravation, maybe you could do a little thought experiment and see if you can’t find some reason other than women suck.
So, for instance, let’s presume the #1 problem women have with online dating is that men are mostly interested in sex. It seems to be a very common complaint, so this is plausible.
SO what happens when a woman makes the first move, is that she is giving some horny guy hope. A guy might say, " well, i don’t think she’s attractive or interesting, but maybe there’s a chance she’ll fuck me on our first date." And that’s not a great position to be in for a woman who is interested in a relationship.
Maybe the reason women don’t make the first move is to lower the odds that they’ll go on a date with a guy who has absolutely ZERO interest in her at all other than as a hole.
And this is not a conversation we’re allowed to have so much any more, because it implies that men are more interested in sex and women are more interested in relationships, and, despite this being the pretty obvious statistical truth driving why online dating is so shitty, this view is considered gender-essentialist.
So make men make the first move, and put him in the position of “Is this chick interested in me at all for anything or does she just want a free dinner?”
Look, the only solution to this is to make dating illegal and prostitution mandatory. Men want sex, women want money. So let’s kick this bullshit power play nonsense in the head, stop pretending love exists, and put the fucking price tag back on.
I turn my profile visible for about 24 hours. As a late 30’s woman, that gets me about 300 likes in a medium sized European city. (I pay for it, it’s impossible to use otherwise.)
I then go into my list of likes and use filters to start left swiping based on hard cutoff criteria (wants kids, Christian, etc). That drops it down to ~100 people. I use an app that has good filters.
I then go through reading profiles and looking at who is attractive for me (pictures and bio). That leaves about 25 people. I then match with all of them at once. Usually leads to 5 or so good conversations, and a few dates. Give it a shot, repeat if necessary.
If I leave mt profile visible for more than a few days I have thousands of likes. I match with most people I see swiping. It’s just not a feasible way to do it. And I’m not even attractive.
It’s just a flood and it’s nearly impossible to manage. It’s such a broken, asymmetrical system. I hate it so much.
I really never found bots to be a problem. Maybe 1 of 20 matches and one gal I actually met started the chat with me saying she knows her profile looks like a bot but she is real and then asks me to meet her later this week for coffee. 😂 im not hot by any means, but she was… sadly it didn’t work out but damn good 45 days.
Mine has always been truth of person. No one seems to be who they really are on their profile.
I mean, they suck for everyone - don’t get me wrong.
But being able to see them as an ego boost, or having the frustration be that you get low quality matches, as opposed to the punishing experience of “80% of the matches you get at all are catfishing bots” is very different.
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I’ve paid for a few to see if it helps - It does and I feel like it was worth it up until 2 years ago when they changed how matching works. But you know what doesn’t work, people telling the truth on their profile. So great, I had better matches or in my case on bumble, better choice for matches based on who liked me. But damn if Jeni from the town next door loved “hiking” when really she just loved watching tv and one day wanted to “be more active”. She also told me she wanted to move to Spain one day… guess who also wanted to move to Europe ( Spain, wherever) - me! But I got the job and she’s pulling the “well not yet!!!” and in the end just wanted to visit and knew I have money to do this. P.s. I live in Spain now.
Each profile is a crafted (and truth bending) aspect of your life for others to review and I hate how it doesn’t capture the truth of who you really are in person. I went in being honest and found women who liked the same, but yet they were never really who they were on the app. I found my best matches when I wasn’t truthful or bent the truth a tad but yet I never stayed together long.
Best girlfriend so far, met her organically on the beach because my dog went over to say hi by licking her face. She’s a bit over the top, has tattoos everywhere including a funny phrase on her ass, but she’s the most compatible woman I’ve met so far.
Is the phrase
Live, Laugh, Love
Written in comic sans
Nah… Papyrus
So uh…this funny phrase tatoo…pics or it ain’t real, internet rules 😂🤣.
They were a silly concept to begin with. If they worked well, they’d kill their own business model. To stay economically viable they therefore have to use all kinds of tricks and produce mixed-at-best results, and cognitive manipulation to keep their user base entertained. Glad to see them finally collapse
I never really believed that montra of if they were successful they lose a customer. I met my wife on a dating site over 13 years ago and told everyone I knew about it and how good it was. Many of the people that I told tried the site. It’s a great way to spread your business if anything then through natural word of.mouth you actually kinda weed out people who are looking for the wrong things. Unfortunately the one I used ok cupid was bought by the big conglomerate and they change it so it was just like all the others. The other place I see it working is if governments offered the service because they want people to be matched up. I get people might not trust the government to match them up but why would you trust a company to do it then.
That’s BS, the population is literally aging into a new market evey year, but they want to nickel and dime to the point of exploitation their existing base ruining the reputation of the entire industry in the process.
Or arguably it’s the issue with running then as an unregulated business to begin with. It’d almost be better if it was just run as a public/non-profit database service: here’s an anonymised, clinical, filterable list of other people who are looking for a relationship, and a safe way to connect with them. Like all other online services it’d be killed off by bots, trolls, and creeps, but still… If it’s in the public’s general interest for people to be in relationships?
Let me filter the bots, trolls, and creeps myself. I don’t need a rent-seeking middleman for that.
(My wife’s pickup line was trolling the shower curtains in my photo)
I think, it’s a myth that matchmaking has to be bad to survive. We see that in gaming all the time. The problem is just that physical world matchmaking is optimized to get recurrent customers instead of finding good matches. And that inevitably tanks the reputation. The first dating platform with good matchmaking will be the last one standing because it will suck the competition dry.
There is a market for good matchmaking. It’s just not as big as the imagined market for bad matchmaking (which we see now isn’t actually that big once people realize that the service sucks).
Dating apps never really served their purpose. They killed themselves.
Disagreed. OkCupid worked until Match Group destroyed it.
“Destruction of OkCupid as an attack against its liberal-skewed user base”
https://lemmy.world/post/24108120
Good
why? didnt find anyone? Ive had great success tbh - married, 2 kids not sure if its just luck or incidental or what
in essence its just to get men to keep swiping, and become the “product/data” to be sold. thats why its dying.
I used dating apps on and off for the best part of 10 years when I was single I never got a single meaningful match. They simply do not work.
The point of the app isn’t to get you dates, it’s to get you to use the app so they can sell your data.
If you get into a relationship and delete the app, they’ve lost a customer.
The system only works with competition, but as we stopped enforcing anti trust and anti competitive laws in any meaningful way, the same company owns most of the sites, and is in a shittrust with the rest to all maximize revenue instead of competing.
they’ve lost a
customerdata source
You do have to use them correctly. I know a lot of people who use them irresponsibly, who don’t have the emotional intelligence to understand how the experience is going to be different(and therefore manage their emotional expectations*), and who match with way too many people for basically nothing while denying others over trivial things.
*You should be very into people and they should be into you, but how crushes develop from online dates is simply fundamentally different. You will likely not get the same “oh my god who is that?!” moment from someone you’ve already spoken to and who you know already wanted to go on a date with you.
