We all have the capacity to change, dont let anyone judge you by your past ❤️.
True, but you would be judged a little. I wouldn’t because of glass house and all that. But expect it. There are costs for making mistakes.
Well I kicked out a trans woman from a church. And I’ve done some other stuff. I was able to meet a friend of mine from years ago who’s transgender and I tried to “convince him out of it” but he certainly didn’t blame me. In fact, he was like that couple years before we met.
It’s a relatively common thing and I try not to blame myself for it because I did what I could with what I was given.
I blame youtube. My introduction to trans peoples’ existence was an ad for Matt Walsh.
I had not watched or searched anything to bring that channel up my ad feed at the time either.
Was just overall a jackass through highschool. I use adblock on everything now.
Took a while to notice that it is her past.
Proud to say I was never transphobic or homophobic to anyone except myself. Granted, we all have internalized transphobia due to the way society referred to us or put us down, but I don’t think I’ve ever been unwelcoming to anyone else who is trans or ever put down their identity.
It’s hard to not feel it toward yourself but maybe this will get better once I’m further along in my journey into womanhood, idk.
One thing that helped me finally accept my identity was realizing that I’d never invalidate anybody like I invalidated myself. Treating myself like I would treat another person helped me finally escape the closet.
Yeah, I once declared in a room of like 100+ people of a queer advocacy org that there were only 2 genders.
This was before I realized I was trans.
Yes, I’m still kicking myself in the face (figuratively) for this. I hate who I used to be. And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for the pain I caused that day.
Truth be told, I’m not sure I want to forgive myself. I’m not sure I deserve it.
I think our culture needs to embrace the concept of penance. You do something bad, then you do something appropriate in the hopes of mitigating, undoing, etc the damage, and then you forgive yourself.
I was never transphobic, when I was an egg I was edgy by being cool with trans people even. But I recognize we do need to welcome those of us who had this hostile and bigoted past. At the same time, harm was done and the “I didn’t know better, but I’m better now” can feel insufficient on one or more sides in a way that “I’ve changed and I put in some work to try to make up for it” doesn’t
Crucially penance shouldn’t be seen as punishment (punishment is a deterrent meant to be unpleasant), or permanent, but rather a stage of restorative justice where you do what you can for a little while, and the slate is considered clean afterwards.
Idk I think a lot of the folks in here with stories like this should look into some form of volunteering to help the community and after a little while of doing it when you feel you’ve helped enough that you’d forgive someone else, forgive yourselves.
Tbf if another trans person came up to you, and said a similar story they regret today, would you be pissed at them?
I am deeply ashamed of my religious past. I believed and said some truly horrible things. My church and school were my whole world, and it was very conservative and very Catholic.
And so when I was a teenager, I started using those beliefs to justify projecting hatred towards women and queerness. Probably to deflect the bullying that came my way for being very clearly not a “normal boy”, in hindsight.
That’s no excuse though, I should have done better. I’m glad that my views improved dramatically once I went to college and deconverted, but I still really regret that I certainly hurt people.
And I still kinda long for and mourn the childhood and teenage years of the person I wish that I had been but wasn’t.
You’re here now, and I think that’s pretty amazing ❤️
Thanks ❤️ I’m really glad to be here and to be who I am now
And I still kinda long for and mourn the childhood and teenage years of the person I wish that I had been but wasn’t.
This hits so hard. It’s one of the hardest things for me to grapple with. In hindsight, knowing that I knew better, that I knew myself better, but lacked the self-agency to hold to my convictions and fight for my true self. But that’s also a lot to ask of an isolated teen in a rural area so I try to be nice to my past self.
I still kinda long for and mourn the childhood and teenage years of the person I wish that I had been but wasn’t.
I think every single human on the planet feels that way. Suppose it’s just part of growing up, the eternal trap we exist in where we know of the past and future but can only live in the present even in our minds.
I feel like I could have been a better person too, I was kind of an asshole with a short temper - maybe I still am an asshole - but the important thing is trying to improve. It’s good you’re working towards that, I’m still trying too. Besides, I think it’d be a real bummer if we couldn’t try to improve ourselves, so hopefully humans as a whole can keep marching towards a better future.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I wish my first exposure to the idea of people transitioning wasn’t the episode of Family Guy where Brian learns the woman he just had sex with is trans and gets grossed out.
I wish it wasn’t Ace Ventura
I wish it wasn’t people gossiping that Lady Gaga might have a penis, and how that would be a… bad thing? that affects them? somehow?
The edgelord teenager to bisexual 20 something to transgender 30 something pipeline strikes again
Many such cases
I did grew up in transphobic homophobic society. I though that being gay and trans is bad, but did not understand why. I did not understand what is actually bad about being lgbtq person. And ever since i was a kid, i though about liking boys and liking girly things, despite being taught about those things being bad. This is probably why it was easy for me to realise that i am myself gay and trans, and that all those transphobia and homophobia is bullshit.
Nah I was always anti-discrimination, even if I didn’t knew all the arguments yet.
I trust someone who has fallen into darkness and returned to the light a lot more than I trust a paragon who has never known temptation. On its face. There are people who still carry the darkness with them. Trans women who didn’t stop being bullies but just chose more acceptable targets. But those of us who have hated and been shown hate is wrong… I think that’s a beautiful thing. What happened in your past is between you and your victims, and its up to you to make peace with them. But I’m not here to beat you up over actions you already know were stupid and wrong
lot more than I trust a paragon who has never known temptation
My brain first read that as a “pigeon who has never known temptation”. I was like, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pigeon that hasn’t known and then immediately indulged in temptation.
I yearn for a world where we may all be pigeons, and perpetuate no harm in the process
I haven’t ever really fallen into the temptation I guess… but I did know someone who fell into the darkness and never returned out of it alive. I have had to fight eight fascists at once for ripping away their posters. They threw rocks at me.
I still removed the posters a few days after. In fact, my resolve has only strengthened more to end these fascist fuckers’ hatred for once and all!
Well I was working off the wisdom that nobody hates ciggerettes like an ex smoker but I suppose someone who watched a friend waste away from lung cancer probably would.
I have so much love for you for this. Be safe, be with friends and comrades who can watch your, mask up etc.
Oh definitely! I pick safety when I can, but when I can’t, I look for another opportunity to remove the bad stuff.
“What is better? To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”
I would trust someone who has learned to grow to grow more in the future, but I would also be wary of things from their past they have not yet resolved. I don’t know if it really makes sense to rank someone who has ascended to being good higher or lower than someone who was always good for the purposes of future events.
There’s a certain type of person who takes pride in the fact they’ve never shoplifted while never having been close enough to the poverty line to know desparation. Who cannot understand the concept of genuine nessessity. Who thinks the hand people were dealt in life should not be considered in a moral measure of their character. For want of a better word, a privileged person.
I don’t trust someone untested by life because there’s a strong chance they’ll heel turn the second something doesn’t go their way. Its easy to be generous when you have a billion dollars to give away if that makes sense
Yeah the person with a darker past can easily be one of those homophobic straight trans people, racist white queer people, misogynistic queer men, or transphobic queer people. I’ve met plenty of them in my time. They typically just accepted that it was wrong for them to be mistreated, and many get weird about their biases against other marginalized groups.
I’ve also met folks who never learned to unpack a bias because they were never worth the social conflict to correct.
And so who do I trust? Nobody, anyone can have a hidden harmful bias. But more realistically, I trust people who do the work and try to be open to criticism when they hurt someone.
My cruelty was only pointed inwards, thankfully. We’ll see if i ever reconcile
Yea this was me too. I grew up pretty isolated and wanted to impress my big(oted) brother so I emulated a lot of his worldview. The 90’s and 00’s was also a tough time for a queer kid who had no supporting community to grow up in and most of the queer representation she saw was either negative or heavily mocked. I didnt want to be the butt end of a joke so I became overly homophobic to try to deflect attention from the deeply confusing and shameful-at-the-time thoughts and feelings I had. Luckily I never directly bullied anyone, but I’m sure there were countless peers who could’ve used my support (and who I could’ve used theirs) that never got it. And I missed out on being part of a rich and amazing community. But we move on, hopefully better than we used to be.
Youre very similar to me. I grew up in rural texas in the same timeframe. My older sister was actually bi, and she was always nice to me, but i ended up completely self isolating(bc of my self issues and some outside factors, parents being one) and just played WoW all day every day. Then i moved cross country to escape that and ended up stuck with an abusive SO. But, i am doing a lot better these days even if i feel like i missed out on life for the first like almost 30 years.
Never hated gay people, i dont understand
There’s an observed phenomena that some eggs repress so hard it goes to self-hate then that self-hate goes outwards to others that are like them.
This is for those which did that
rafiki: “oh, yes, the past can hurt. but the way i see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it.”
