So, yesterday, after my absolutely terrible experience at my cousin’s birthday party, I somehow got home safely (thank god 😭).
I decided to wear the very same outfit my family rejected and take a quick walk, to clear my head a little. It was already really late and dark, but I decided to go anyway…
At least until I actually got outside 😆
It was so fucking cold! And I was something that barely even covered my skin, no wonder I was cold! Also, I swear to god HRT made my body colder (or at least not as cold-resistant) and somehow…even more pale 🤣. I’m basically a ghost now, lol.
(Also, I was scared going outside by myself that late. I am sooo freaking weak now. My bf overpowers me with one hand, easily 🫦)
Anyway, as I was quickly walking back to my apartment building, one of the automated lights mounted on the wall turned on. This caused a shadow to be cast on the wall in front of me, and the shadow was…a girl’s shadow?
Was she right behind me? Was she next to me, I just didn’t notice? She was really skinny and had shoulders a bit broad, but she was nice. I actually got envious of her body…
I was staring at my own shadow on the wall 🤦♀️. It took me way too long to realize that and I felt really stupid afterwards. But also euphoric! You see, all of my boymoding clothes are at least slightly baggy. They hide the shape of my figure. These clothes on the other hand, they expose most of my long legs and also show the actual shape of my upper body. And goddamn do these jorts make my ass and hips look girly, in the best way 😆. I looked…good?
This was a massive confidence boost for me, tbh. I kept giggling like a schoolgirl in the elevator 😂. You know, for the first time in my life, I actually felt that I might kinda pass…one day, at least. I felt good about myself!
All of this to say, fuck my pretentiously supportive family. I don’t need their stupid validation. I have my own life now, my own apartment (with my very own man who loves me dearly 🤭). Next time, I’m probably not even going to attend any of their parties. And if I do, I’ll wear what I want. They can stare, they can whisper, fuck 'em. They are my family, I still do love them, but I don’t have to center my life around them.
Thank you everyone for your kind words 💜. It’s crazy how kind everyone here is…I don’t even deserve that 😭. Thank you so much. I love you people ❤️
Aaaand now I’m going to go celebrate with my bf, in my own way, in bed. Until next time!
You must log in or # to comment.
Ahhh shadow euphoria (and her cousin window euphoria) are amazing feelings.
It really is! Haven’t experienced much window euphoria yet, but the shadow euphoria is definitely real
I don’t wear clothes at home (sue me, lol) and sometimes it really catches me off guard. Like, I have kind of an hourglass figure? There’s no way that’s me. Who’s freaking shadow is this? 😭
It’s fun 😊
Girl I was so worried about you when you made your first post when you seemed so dysphoric but I love hearing about you feeling yourself. You’re so beautiful I really hope you keep hold of that feeling. Stay winning! X
Thank you. Thanks a lot.
I’m much less dysphoric now, no idea how I did it considering how I was feeling just yesterday.
Today my walk actually worked out! I’m still a bit cold, but comfortable with myself, I like how I look!
I was scared at first, with my shoulders exposed like this, sticking out. However, the people i passed didn’t say anything and didn’t even look at me weird. In fact, they didn’t look at me at all! Even when I was passing two cis girls, they didn’t even acknowledge me.
That felt really good. Feeling like a normal girl in the city. Going out wearing cute fits.
I’m rambling. Thanks for being worried about me. I’m still here 💜
I was about to say that even the wind was cooperating tonight and not messing up my hair. Well, I jinxed it 😂
You’re going to have days where you feel like shit and days where you feel great. Glad you’re here! Here’s to more great days.
Aaaah I live for window euphoria. It hides the facial hair shadow and blemishes on my face so Ican just be like “damn I’ll be fine as hell once I’m done with electrolysis”
That is so cute 💛💛💛🖤🧡🤍💜💚💙 just wanted to add that if you’re getting really pale maybe check your iron levels? Also be sure to take vitamin d supplements if you’re living in the north regardless of it being summer. Take care 🩵🩷🤍🩵🩷
if you’re getting really pale maybe check your iron levels?
OMG you’re right. My endo told me to get some iron supplements after my last blood test. I completely forgot! Thanks for reminding me 😄
But…I kinda like being pale tho. To be honest, being able to see my veins through my skin so easily helps with injections, lol
I mean it’s your body it’s just iron is necessary for your red bloodcells which transport oxygen which is not that negligible I’ve been told 😂 if you are having trouble finding a vein for injections then you need to hydrate though! paleness should probably depend on how much melanin you have and not blood 😅
You’re right…and it’s probably not just the iron deficiency making me pale. I don’t go outside at all and also I have very low melanin genetically. A minute on the sun and I’m burnt to a crisp 😂
I’ll get my body the iron it needs
And the vitamin D! 🥰
Already got vitamin D. I take it every day, because I don’t see the sun, like ever.
Yay! 💝
great, when this starts, isn’t it?
i am happy for you. keep going! :)
It really is 😊
The only way now is forward ❤️
Girl I saw your last post. I’d be attracted to my own shadow too if I had a figure like that
Oh 🥺
I…umm
Thank you. That’s really kind of you.❤️
YAY!!! So happy for you, this sounds like a lovely experience and a great end to your day. I hope you continue have these moments.
♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡
Thank you so much Nissa! 💜
Also, your purple outfit freaking rocks! You go girl!
Awww, that’s so lovely! Think I sometimes have have something similar, when I just take a quick glance at a mirror.
I actually got envious of her body…
I guess now you know how we feel seeing your pics 😅. It’s always the other girls who are super beautiful, but it’s so hard to see oneself like this - and oh so easy to get lost on these few details we can’t stand about ourselves…
€: Oh just saying, I don’t mean to discourage you or anything, keep rocking and being yourself :>
Fuck ya hon, wear what makes you live your best life. Those clods need to get the fuck over themselves. Oh how very bloody scandelous. 🤣
That outfit rocks, and you rock it. Be proud of your body.
I will never forget my first time in a thrift store dressing room, about 7 months in. I was floored that i actually had some pleasant shapes to my upper body when trying on a blouse and dress.
Euphoria is a blessing!
Congratulations! I celebrate this for you! And I will celebrate when you fall in love with your Jungian shadow!
