technically its confidence and hygiene.
Hygiene, manners, fitness, generally not being a creep.
“fitness”
Highly exaggerated by the masculinist movement, I know many people who aren’t in good shape and never were that have a relationship/family life that most would envy
It doesn’t hurt to be fit. You’ll likely look better and it helps with your confidence.
When did I say it hurts to be fit?
The vast majority of the population doesn’t go to the gym and their exercise consists of doing random physical activities around the house, going on walks or having a physically demanding job but a bunch of people with low self esteem got convinced by the internet that they’re hopeless if they don’t go to the gym… Oh and here, buy their product and treat women like shit while you’re at it because it all goes together! That’s what self esteem feels like bitches!
“It doesn’t hurt to” is an idiom meaning it can be beneficial. It doesn’t mean you were arguing that it hurts to be fit. I’m saying it’s not necessary to be fit but it might still be worthwhile.
Seems like you’re looking at these people as a monolith. Most of us treat the gym like a horticulturist treats their garden, it’s therapeutic while also being beneficial. Sure there’s the guys that follow all of the social media “gurus” but you can usually tell who they are by their gear and what they spend most of their time talking about.
9/10 times the guys with the most experience and general level of fitness are the ones that just wear old cut offs and go home to go drink a protein shake. The ones railing pre workout and listening to Andrew Tate aren’t there for the right reasons so they generally never get anywhere with it.
People who aren’t in good shape attract other people who aren’t in good shape. There is someone for everyone. Well not really, but those people are content with each other.
I wouldn’t phrase it like that. More like, your standards for your partner shouldn’t be higher than your standards for yourself.
Tomato, tom-ah-to
You keep telling yourself that while we stay more open Skipper
Not really true and you realize that you can just not do exercise without being 400lbs right? Even in the periods where I wasn’t into exercising my weight was stable around ~145lbs at 5’8", I just looked like a regular guy and dated plenty of beautiful women during that time.
People who aren’t in good shape attract other people who aren’t in good shape
Have you ever met a lesbian
Huh? What does that have to do with anything we’re discussing here?
Clearly the answer is no.
As a woman I would like to add that the Fitness part is not true. Of course if you want to ask out a gym girl she will care about fitness, but also if you want to ask a “fashion” girl out she will care about fashion and so on. Know your target before putting effort in the wrong thing. I’m the type that cares zero about fitness.
Hygiene, manners and not being a creep is default tho. Please do that.
I am a lady and do care about fitness, not so much for looks but as a sign guys take reasonable care of their health. When younger, didn’t care much. But now I am older and guys who are inactive fall apart, and become a lot of work. I know that there’s no guarantee of health but much better odds of more healthy years if a guy takes care of his physical body.
Younger generations also need appropriate internet socialization for the social medias. Need to not live under a rock but also not go off the deep end of Insta or 4chan, respectively.
The finer details of making friends on a discord server befuddles me.
Isn’t a discord like a curated list of people who you at least share an interest with?
The sketch with squigly lines here doesn’t just represent hygiene. It shows how doomed he is
You see doom, I see a montage worthy makeover.
What song is playing in the montage?
Obviously the final countdown.
By default I was in fact thinking of “The Final Countdown”, but for this I’ll go for a slightly more wholesome approach. “Carry on Wayward Son”
Also being ok with rejection
But repeated rejection has an effect of reinforcing our undesirableness, and takes a toll on our self-esteem. How do people cope with this?
Friends, family, therapy.
Also if therapy is too expensive, group therapy, or just time
Why assume a rejection is because of you?
Why not assume they are having a bad day, they are just out of a previous relationship and they want a break, your just not their type (even if you had all the abs and a chiseled jaw and confidence they wouldn’t be interested), what if they aren’t into your gender, or what if they are in a committed relationship with their horse?
There are a lot of things that can cause it to be a no deal that are not your fault. If you feel like you did a good job asking, then it is probably one of the above.
Why assume a rejection is because of you?
This goes in all matters. The people who succeed don’t take everything personally.
Everyone who’s deflected N rejections and given life advice to others based on that, has not yet experienced N+1 rejections.
Was it bad advice, or are you just maudlin because you know I am right?
That circles back around to confidence
But being constantly rejected circles back to breaking down one’s confidence.
If it’s breaking down your confidence than you are not ok with rejection.
Is anyone truly ok with constant rejection?
No, no one is fully ok with it. This entire thread is like the emperor’s new clothes or something.
Yeah, everyone here is like, “If you can’t handle rejection, then you’re WEAK and LACK CONFIDENCE! And you’re the ONLY ONE! Everyone else in the world is strong & emotionally bulletproof except for YOU!”
🙄
People with healthy egos are able to register that someone does not want them as a romantic partner without having a crisis, yes.
I see I’ve upset some users today. This may seem like stating the obvious but clearly some people here need to hear it:
If you are emotionally devastated by rejection you likely do not have a healthy ego or self-image. This is the confidence part.
Assigning responsibility for fixing your self-image to a potential romantic partner is seeking external validation for an internal problem.
No amount of external validation will fix you. It will only feed the unhealthy expectations you’re already acting on.
Confidence is the external display of a healthy self-image (overconfidence is another example of external display of an unhealthy self-image).
Potential partners can sense your desperation for validation and it is not an attractive personality trait. It’s basically saying “I need you to do this emotional labor for me because I am not strong enough”.
No one wants to do your emotional work for you.
Surely there exists a middle ground between being devastated by rejection and not registering continuous rejection as, perhaps, a sign that the rejectors have a point.
Emotional resilience is great, but if people keep giving you the same feedback maybe they have a point (and you should try changing, rather than brute forcing your way through social interactions, hoping to get lucky).
I’m not saying that you’re denying this, so I am jumping over some discussion, but tbf I think we’re both doing it.
I don’t think this is your intent, but likely the reason people are annoyed by your comments is they come off as “have you tried NOT having emotional trauma?”. You might not mean them that way, but that’s how they read as an outsider to all this. Whether or not your strategy is a good one, dismissing people’s emotional experiences is never going to win anyone over or change minds. If you’d like to help people gain confidence, I would encourage you to meet them where they are, not where you are.
no it doesn’t
Alcohol!
Fake it till you make it. Confidence still works, even if its faked
If romantic comedies have taught me anything, it’s to never take “no” for an answer, and it’s ok to stalk people because it will all just work out in the end when they realize what they’ve been missing this whole time.
Jeez I wonder if the prevalence of this trope could have overreaching social consequences
This is unironically how my grandparents met, did help that my grandfather was rather intelligent and decently competent. Shame he was a dumbass and gave himself lung cancer, wear a mask when working with aerosols it may save your life.
I love seeing how this crusty bastard devolves over time. I don’t know that anyone can make him look any worse at this point.
His forehead constitutes 50% of his face but is relatively clean. We need more scabbed over zits.
This version gives me Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark with the OG illustrations that were deemed “too scary” for children
his eyes are still pretty decent
There was an even worse version but it was pretty gory like actually fucking horrible
Wojack Rickety Cricket
Some of it’s also probably situation based.
If you hit on every single person of the gender that you like at one gym, they’ll probably start to feel like you really just want just anyone who will say yes. They’ll probably feel like you don’t like them for them, and that you’re just trying to keep your bed warm. Most people who want relationships want to be with someone who likes them individually as a person. Try not to write “scripts” for the situation in your head too much, either. If you do, it might crash and burn the second that someone goes off of that “script”.
It’s kind of tragic how all of this has become. A relationship likely won’t fix any problems you might have with yourself, nor would it fix most of the other aspects of your life. A partner will also have their own needs and wants, and you should try to have room to provide some of that before you start dating.
Don’t listen to guys like Tate. If he really had good advice, more people from his fan base would be in a happy relationship now, no? He makes money by making you continue to watch his videos. That’s all he cares about. He’s giving you bad advice so he can keep making money off of your sadness. That’s not a bro thing to do.
Don’t follow the plot of any rom-coms. That behaviour is usually a fantastic way to get a restraining order and absolutely ruin any chances you might have had with that person.
Find the little things that make you happy. Gardening? MTG? Video games? Hockey? Drawing? MMA? Take the time to properly enjoy those things that you love with the people who are already around you. It will help build some of that confidence. Let youself be passionate about your hobbies sometimes. It’s ok, I promise.
Try not to worry too much if you mess up or if you ruin your chances with one person. There are over 8 billion people on earth, so there’s almost always someone else you can try with. NO ONE succeeds 100% of the time, and that is more than OK. That is human.
Don’t beat yourself up over not succeeding right away. Unless you are literally currently on your death bed, you still have time.
Outside of the dating stuff, be kind to youself, and try to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Self care isn’t just fitness and healthy eating. Sometimes could be having pizza in the bath, sometimes it might be playing DnD over multiple continents, sometimes it might be watching cartoons, and sometimes it could even be something like skincare. Your happiness is important, and you should treat it as such.
As long as it doesn’t harm anyone else in the process, please do what you need to do to feel happy. Life is too short to pause your happiness for someone who hasn’t shown up yet. Life is too short to wait to improve things until you meet someone who hasn’t shown up yet.
You deserve happiness, and the sooner you acknowledge that, the better. Find happiness despite what life might throw at you. Try to find joy even in chaos, and always remember that bad feelings usually don’t last forever. You can get through these hard times.
That’s maybe the most helpful and positive thing I’ve seen on a shitpost. And honestly, I needed to hear some of that, so thank you.
I’ve followed this advice exactly for many years, and it lead me to a simple conclusion: These things that make me happy don’t connect in any way to relationship possibilities, and relationships will not make your life any happier. In short, dating is for chumps.
Perhaps a shower and a haircut wouldn’t hurt.
I’m having my weekly shower later today! 👍
I’ve seen way too many guys who think they’re uglier than they are. Confidence and Comedy really are great ways to have a shot, even if you’re faking the confidence. Its a tough lesson, but you DO need to sell yourself a little
I always joke that I snagged my wife by being funny. Then she laughs. Then I’m like “See!?” It’s a great bit. She insists I’m handsome. I don’t see it. The parts of me she compliments aren’t even things I’m conscious of.
Yeah, exactly. Not only are a lot of men nowhere NEAR as ugly as they think they are, ugly is also subjective, and theres gonna be a partner who probably thinks you’re physically hot
Removed by mod
With the rate of obsessive angry men in the world, I’d be amazed at any woman brave enough to give a straight “No” instead of a nonspecific answer used to get themselves out of the situation.
People aren’t just dealing with ”No”, but “No, and the chances that you’re a rapist are high enough I’m now scared of you and won’t give you a straight answer”.
If someone thinks you’re a rapist then you’re probably doing something wrong.
I wouldn’t claim recipients of rejection are “victims”, since being rejected is a perfectly normal interaction; but this is so close to victim blaming it’s not even funny.
I’m reminded of playing through Class of 09, and 60% of the endings resulting in people claiming “If everyone is ganging up on you, Nicole, then maybe you’re the one at fault?” Real smooth judicial logic there.
The victims here would be the people who are so uncomfortable with someone’s actions that they believe they’re being accosted by a rapist.
Yeah that’s fair. “No” in this case is just if you try to see if someone wants to do more than just occasionally and/or randomly see each other. That happens when you’re trying to make new friends, etc.
There’s a lot of ways to say no. I just meant it generally. But I feel you.
The overwhelming majority of men aren’t rapists. But the overwhelming majority of rapists are men.
You’re smart and insightful, and even though maybe sometimes people don’t see it, I see it. And this was an important comment to make. Thank you for your bravery. Truly.
Do you want a friend, or a relationship? That seems very unclear from your phrasing.
The least you can do for people is be honest. Even if it leads to mild rejection heartbreak, it’s dishonest and hurtful to falsely claim you just want a friendship. Some women are just trying to make friends so they have people to fall back on socially, and find out the only three people they hang out with planned to get into their pants at some point. That’s not good for anyone.
No, I’m in a very long and stable relationship, and I have many very wonderful friends. I do enjoy meeting new people, though. You seem super nice, but I’m all set, but thank you so much for asking! You’re so sweet! 🥰
I really would’ve thought the context of being in a conversation about how people gain relationships would’ve made clear I was asking about ‘what you’re seeking’ when you give this theoretical relationship advice, rather than suddenly attempting a lifelong connection via internet comments, but hey, whatever floats your ego (even if that’s clicking a ‘down’ button).
Oh no worries! I’m not downvoting you at all! I really appreciate you! Thank you so much!
Confidence in yourself takes work. Confident people are confident because they loved themselves first and you take care of those you love
nah you start by faking it and being ironically confident until you trick yourself and it becomes second nature. replace self deprecating humor with god complex humor until you believeeeee
I mean, 6 of one. If you feel better and aren’t a total dick to everyone I think that’s a win
yikes
Why do some people “love themselves first” and some do not?
Because it’s effort and not everybody is up to doing that work for one reason or another. We all have self doubt and it takes a lot to push past that sometimes
Sure real confidence does, but fake confidence is a good step on that path, and is better than none at all
Cartoon memes are starting to resemble actual art
You gotta show up for yourself before you’re gonna get the girl my dude. Fix those open sores on your face and shave.
and I thought open source was a good thing…
And for the love of god, F(L)OSS.
and shave
Shaving is for losers. BEARDS rule!
Lol this is hilarious!!!
That whole movie is an absolute gem
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://www.piped.video/watch?v=OAYcAdUKMts
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
WHY ARE WE INCEL POSTING
Well …it is in SHITposting…
why not just post swastikas then
It’s Lemmy Shitpost, is it not?
again, why not just post swastikas then? if it doesn’t mean anything and you don’t stand by its message, what’s the difference? it’s all just white noise on shitpost right?
What the fuck are you taking about my dude
I guess saying anything that sniffs remotely as politically incorrect (whatever that is these days) leads us straight to swastikas lol
I mean if you posted a funny meme of hitler, would it not have a swastika on it?
And yes, this is Lemmy Shitpost. If you want classier shit I think you might want to look elsewhere.
I’m just imagining this scene in a cartoon and it is kind of funny, if it were drawn literally as is.
Ok, listen. A great attitude (what the meme calls ‘confidence’) will definitely improve your chances. This doesn’t detract from the fact that if you were to randomly ask a lot of people out, the vast majority of them would still say no because either they’re not looking for a partner or you’re not their type. The hard part is accepting that fact and continue trying without getting so emotionally exhausted that you no longer even want to try. Tinder makes this even worse, because it condenses dozens of rejections in a short amount of time, in a context that makes looks far more important than other worthwhile traits of yours.
Of course, having an ugly face, being poor and even having bad genetics will make things harder. But there are plenty of fat, ugly dudes and gals in happy relationships. If you see yourself in the meme, your worst enemy is not knowing how to get out of a pit of hurt and self-doubt, but it’s an enemy you can beat.
Why the duck
