Need to pee in the soil

Step by step on how a minotaur is made.

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Tucker made the mistake of dressing up as a couch for Halloween.

Yeah I tripped, knocked a stage light over, and burned everything to the ground. I was the only survivor.

Was called the “Tragic Cinderella Sizzler” by local newspapers.

In my elementary school play of Cinderella. I was cast as a pile of animated clothes. My role was to lay still and then suddenly spin around like one of those spinning brushes in a carwash and flail off the stage.

Do you wish to know more?

Goddamn

“Celeborn was a Sindarin prince of Doriath, being the grandson of Elmo”

Aye childcare is fucked. My spouse had to quit working full-time temporarily because childcare was more than what she pulled in a week. Was actually a savings to just not have one of us work until they were a little older and the cost finally dropped enough.

Not that one of us was enough to pay the bills, we just had to get really creative with alternative income sources that didn’t require a full-time commitment.

I love my kids, I hate America as it is today. I knew sort of the financial impact I was getting into having kids, but no one should have that just thrust on them because politicians systemically are removing all the alternatives.

2039 is gonna be lit.

Your great great great grandkids might finally get to play Star Citizen on an actual star ship.

You continue down the vast hallway. You try not to make eye contact with a pair of kobolds near a tiny hut. Despite trying to ignore them the kobolds still approach you and speak “Hello traveler, do you wish to remove years from your life and return to the appearance of youth?”. They motion to the tiny hut with shelves lined with lotions, eye cream, and makeup.

What do you do?

What are WE wearing comrade?

Look out! It’s Gregor on your neck!

He’s a living raging powerhouse who’s bound to knock you back on your emerald posterior!

Cook meth?

Another trick is to tell your bank to block charges from a certain company.

I had to do this because some asshat at a shoe store signed me up for Sport Illustrated even though I declined at checkout. Took multiple calls and verifications it was “canceled” with Sports Illustrated customer support and after the third time it popped up on my CC statement, I just called my bank and they were fine just reversing the charge and blocking all further charges.

Also I don’t buy shoes from those mall chain stores anymore.