People really hate Mambo #5, so the little brother in me loves to bother people with it in Fortnite.

As for my own least favorite song/a song that I hate? Right now I really hate APT by Rose and Bruno Mars. I don’t know why, I think the lyrics are just banal, and the music video does everything I hate; namely I hate motion graphics where it’s just the heads of people, I hate the sped up film process, and I hate the Breakfast Club reference. No idea why it peeves me so, it’s not like other new songs have the deepest lyrics or better videos, but that one does.

Yeah, I know the name of the Escape Room; it doesn’t make it suck any less.

That fucking face. Somebody shit this taco out of their butthole already.

My spouse and I still use “the day got away from me” as an excuse for forgetting the stupidest fucking things ever. Like him and his bear carcass or whatever it was he left in Central Park.

This fucking moron should’ve been laughed out of society along with the others, but instead here we are; wearing jeans in saunas.

(i mean yes that is the correct answer, but where’s the fun in that?)

My experience with Craiglist-type ads has me asking questions about my safety by default and if it’s something I can walk away from without any sort of fallout.

Hello my name is Doug, I’m 40+ years old and I’m a fucking idiot.

I mean I guess part of me knew, I have been to Subway and watched them slice the fucking bread. But when I see baguettes at the store I think “hm, just like Olive Garden, I can make tiny baguette slices!” I don’t think “yeah time to make some killer sandwiches.”

…I’m going to blame my autism for this one. It probably isn’t true, but I’m gonna blame it anyway.

Well they’re not just gonna discard the extra tube.

You want a genital tube, you’re gonna have to be happy with a butthole tube, or just one really long genital tube.

Yeah I’m trying to think how you would “fix” this. Maybe put a faux-building around the tubes so you’re sliding down a toppling skyscraper?

Kong Ko-Ko Kong Ko-Kong Ko-Kong Titty Titty (repeat)

I see three, maybe four outcomes:

• You actually do go back in time and this person’s discovered something mind blowing that you get to be a part of. You may or may not die, or you may not be the same as you were before.
• Shrooms. You likely won’t die and you may not be the same as you were before.
• He’s insane and is going to kill you. You will likely die and will not be the same as you were before… because you’ll be dead, or you’ll have killed someone in self defense and, if you’ve never killed before, will be a changed person. …but also if you die and time is a circle then in a way you did go back in time, but also forwards, and nowhere? You’ll be somewhere on the Jeremy Bearimy.
• Fourth outcome is he’s not insane enough to kill you, but is also not a time traveler. Just a high energy friend who’s likely manic but also has enough money for ads and can write with good grammar.

✅ = 👦🧒🤳📲

✅ = 🥱👌👈😒
❌ = 😩🍑🍆😤

me seeing the scraper dev tug off the card scanner after I’m done

Speed self checkout is a great skill.

Do you bag at the end of everything, or do you sneak your first item into a bag to start? Is there a way to not have coupons ruin the speed as it forces the helper to come take the coupons from you?

And then, to make the non-athletic person feel better about themselves, they show us a skill they themselves have perfected in life.

Surely we’ve all got that under our belts, right?

For example I can get groceries faster than everyone else at Winco on a Sunday morning; I know the exact route to take through the store to be as economic with my time as possible.

His brother did worse things than pot, he’d be fine with it.