I recently made an account on Beehaw because I’ve been having pleasant interactions with the instance from my lemm.ee account. Some good threads, seemed like a progressive space. So I went back to the philosophy documents and read them again, liked most of what I saw (again) and signed up for an account today. Decided to break in my new account by browsing the top posts of the last month. Several of them were threads I recognised and had commented in, and felt like revisiting. Except my comments weren’t there. When I got to a comment I very specifically remember replying to (someone asked what’s up with HBomber and James Somerton), and couldn’t find my comment, I decided to check the modlog.

I’m banned. I’ve been talking into an empty void for 4 months. I was banned for being in bad faith. And one of my comments was removed by an admin, because I told people to assume good faith and apparently that’s not nice.

This doesn’t align at all with the documents I’ve been reading today. The ones about assuming good faith, and about giving people chances to clarify, and about how banning is a last resort only for obvious trolls. When I came to this community 4 months ago to make a post about fediverse drama, I wasn’t interested in active participation in the community, and I didn’t make that post with that in mind. I understand how that might not fit the desires of the community here. But I didn’t make that post in bad faith. I, and whoever wrote those pages on the philosophy of Beehaw, wanted the same thing back then. To create a corner of the internet free of hate speech and full of kindness. Now? I’m jaded and beaten. I don’t want to create a kind community anymore, I want to find one. I’ve given up on that ambition. So that’s why I reread the updated documents with hope. Why I created an account. And why I want to know whether beehaw.org is actually the website I read about in those documents. Because those modlogs say the opposite of what those documents said. If I don’t fit in here, if the ideals I thought I saw aren’t present, I’d like to find out quickly.

Should I still hope?

  • Gamma@beehaw.orgEnglish
    13·
    11 months ago

    Are you seeing those posts in the middle? Those look like the reason you were banned, especially considering the mod comment on the post.

    It looks like blahaj someone has been banning and unbanning you since, too. It’s kinda neat that all these logs are public, but I’m not going to get roped in to this drama any more.

    • jarfil@beehaw.org
      2·
      11 months ago

      The modlog is federated, kind of, so it’s somewhat hard to say, without looking deeper, who was doing the banning and unbanning.

    • DroneRights@beehaw.orgOPEnglish
      2·
      11 months ago

      Yes, I see the other posts. I don’t care about them. I fully understand the moderator rationales involved in the actions. As for the moderator comment, there’s a lot of empathy there, but the part about me saying anything ableist is just someone listening to untrue rumours.