I was walking down the street the other day, seething with rage over Elon Musk, as always. I couldn’t contain my facial twitches and mutterings to myself when I happened upon a young woman who asked me if something was wrong.

I began the way I started every conversation, “Oh, Elon Musk, you say? Fuck him! Fuck that motherfucker.”

“…who?”

I continued on, the way a Redditor like me always does. “Did you know his father owned an emerald mine? Or that he wasn’t even one of the original founders of one of the companies he now runs? Outrageous.” The very idea that someone could lead a company to greater success than the people who created it nearly made me shit my pants in sheer fury.

She kept her eyes on me while her head drew back. ”Oh, uh, yeah. I get a little bit jealous, too, when one of my friends does well for themselves.”

“Oh, I never met the guy. I just post on the Internet every day about how angry he makes me. The way he forces me to read everything he posts on Twitter…it’s intolerable. I wish our benevolent car dealerships and oil companies would squash him like a bug already.”

“Riiiight.” She stepped away slowly at first before taking off into a sprint. That Felon Muskrat. His cult had gotten to another innocent person with their brainwashing and propaganda.

The Internet was really going to hear about it today.