I never understood why age gaps are a big deal past 18
I never really understood that too. Then when i was like 35, i met this girl on tinder who was 26. I always thought she was just too young. But it was nice talking to her. Just before we met, she confessed that she was actually 22. I thought it was rude to just blow her off and we met anyway. And oh boy was it weird. It was likt hanging out with an actual child. We talk different, and she was really immature, but in a different way that i was, her stories were only interesting when you just finished school. The list goes on and on. The only upside was that i look really young and she looked older. I really started questioning people being into much younger people.
I think it’s more about life stage than age. Like say she hadn’t gone to college and had gotten into the work force at 18, and was now 4 years in to your same industry. You both had the same job, common references, etc. You’d still have some cultural differences but you’d likely be in a much more similar place in your life. It would make more sense then imo. I think a big part of what makes it weird is just how different your lives are. Which is why the same age gap at like 32 and 45 probably wouldn’t be a big deal.
I feel like this isn’t so much of an age thing actually and more about where you are in life. I started studying relatively late and ended up hanging around with people 5-10 years younger than me, but because we were all students we had something in common and got along well. However, I have very little in common with people my age, they’re all getting married and have children and talk about buying houses and so on and I can’t relate to any of that.
I go by
(age/2)+7.For 27 that would be 20.5
The big issue that remains after 18 is power disparity. A 40 year old with a stable career, savings, a house, etc has way more power in the relationship than someone who is still in college and has no real resources of their own as an example.
It’s really easy for a bad actor to isolate and abuse a younger partner to the point where it’s near impossible for them to leave because they have nothing to fall back on. Doesn’t mean it happens every time, but that’s inherently why people get pretty leery of age gaps like that even after 18. Because they can be used to trap people in abusive relationships and leave them with little choice but to rely on their abuser.
They conditioned people to extrapolate age gaps to come to an accusation instead of looking at actual cases.
That’s borderline, depends on how long they’ve been dating.
Yeah, complaining about this in a 10 year long established relationship is totally unreasonable, but I’d be worried if they’d only just started dating
Are you fucking joking? If it was a 10 year long established relationship it would have started when the older one was 17 and the younger one was 10. Your saying that would be JUST DANDY?! I’m glad it’s a newer relationship! Got no problem with it. If someone said it was a 10 year long relationship I’d be extremely concerned.
In the nicest way to Anon, it may not be paedophilic, but 27 dating 20 is still sus as fuck.
Sure, the older you are the less the age gap matters - like nobody would look at an 80 year old weirdly for dating a 70 year old.
… but at 20 years old, a 7 year age gap is 1/3 of their lifespan apart. That’s a fucking lot!
Biological age != emotional age.
I have seen 36yo acting like 16yo. They have access to alcohol and are seen as an adult.
I have also seen 16yo acting like 36yo. Usually caused by trauma. They get pushed out of childhood or adolescence forcefully. It will cause major issues in their lifes, but they are emotionally very mature.
There is a reason why in many places the age of consent is 16yo. However, this does not mean that their brain is fully developed until they reach 25yo. That means, a smart, older person can certainly abuse a 16yo into thinking she gave consent. And this is the type of relationship that is toxic.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to the older person and if they used any psychological tricks or not. If not, let them enjoy the experience. They both know what is best for them.
I accidentally dated a 19yo when I was 29… She told me she was 25, everything pointed towards that being true (she had lived away from her parents for several years, had a full time job, looked the part, on a surface level acted the part etc.)
Yes, I ended the relationship (while she tried to twist it around to her being the one who is ending it, which is childish) when I found out.
I’m now very keen on getting factual age with proof and generally go for same age or older than me. Never again, I felt so fucking disgusting.
So she acted the part, looked the part, and you liked her… But somehow you don’t want to be with her just because of age?
Wtf…
Sorry, but that’s a pretty big lie in my book. If she was upfront about it, that’s one thing. And if she was willing to lie about that, what other lies are there? OP was right to break it off.
That was just dumb of you. Putting so much weight into just a number. Throwing away a potentially good relationship just cos of a number. Guess she dodged a bullet.
Yeah, someone who lies about something fundamental is definitely a good partner.
Objectively not paedophilic, and only *possibly sus. It all depends on mental and emotional maturity. Only after a certain age of course, an undeveloped brain isn’t going to be able to understand how mature they are, so any notion of maturity would be from an outside influence and it would be inherently unethical to attribute that to the childs actual maturity and try to start a relationship. However, after a certain age you’re likely going to be mature enough to make your own decisions, and for most people this ends up being around 18. That is to say, I’ve met people much older who I don’t think should be allowed to make their own decisions, for the sake of themselves and others. However, I have also met younger people(still referring to over 18 though) much more mature and mentally stable than most others I’ve encountered. All this to say, if they’re both competent adults then stfu and mind your own business.
Half your age plus 7.
27 -> 20.5. Yup. Too big of a gap.
May I introduce my 80 year old grandfather and his 47 year old wife. Yes, she changes his diapers. Why do you ask?
At least when someone gets outed as a pedophile on 4chan they usually are instead of just having a slight age gap
