I’m so tired of being thrown away. I’m so tired being treated with cruelty. I’m so tired of being told that I am loved and wanted when I am so alone.

I’m so tired. I just want it to stop. I just want to give up. Love is a lie Community is a lie The only thing that’s real is pain and isolation

  • emptiness@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    8·
    5 days ago

    I’m in a similar boat. I’m in my 40s and transitioned recently and under unlikely circumstances met this girl. We’re perfect for each other and she manages to break down my defences and we’re together for an amazing six months. Then without warning she breaks up with me. Love of my life.

    I tried dating someone else after her but she also broke up with me without warning.

    This shit gets into your nervous system, you know? I expect this sort of thing now, I have one foot out the door.

    Am I supposed to let go of people, forever? Become all delusional with love, have my heart broken, try again? I’m all-or-nothing, it’s the adhd.

    I truly believe also that to meet someone like the first girl I mentioned I would need to leave my country. They don’t make them like that around here, our society would never produce that kind of person.

    So I’ve given up on finding someone.

    • gandalf_die_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      5·
      5 days ago

      I truly believe also that to meet someone like the first girl I mentioned I would need to leave my country. They don’t make them like that around here, our society would never produce that kind of person.

      i completely feel the same way. but maybe it’s just something about people who travel being more exciting? so it’s not really as if her home country is full of these people …

      anyways,

      We’re perfect for each other and she manages to break down my defences and we’re together for an amazing six months. Then without warning she breaks up with me.

      i must admit that this has happened many times in my life. first was when i was 8 years old with my mother (she fell psychologically ill and i felt like she left me for no reason), then when i was 12 with two of my best friends, then when i was 16, and now i’ve grown so … inherently opposed to the idea that one would be together with another person for the rest of one’s life because that expectation is precisely what makes it so painful if it doesn’t turn out to be true. i’m not sure what else to say to this.