I hate how people act as if it’s women’s responsibility to deal with this. Most men will be more open to physical affection from women than other men, but that’s because they already see it as inherently sexual. They might be weirded out if I (openly gay, read as a cisgender man) offer them a hug, and they might even get violent, but it’s still a lot safer for me than someone they don’t read as a cisgender man. To act like women should be responsible for teaching men emotional skills is ludicrous. Try that with the wrong guy and now you’re in trouble. Even potential or actual romantic partners should be dealt with on a case by case basis, not as a blanket “women should do X” statement.
It’s baffling how people will always default to demanding women do something about it, and then someone will bolt in a “and men should also…” comment as an afterthought. I’ve never seen the opposite.
p.s: I accidentally replied to the wrong comment, deleted it and replied here.
I mean, my perspective is that I was providing explainations for an observed phenomenon. I wasn’t defending women so much as I was providing explainations for their actions as reasonably rational humans. And then everyone jumped in with fangs bared.
Personally, my thought is that assigning responsibility to a particular gender for this sort of work is a misdirection. Really, I think that assigning much blame to anyone at all here is something of a misdirection.
The majority of the responsibility, obviously, lives with the individual. It’s their life. Whatever other outside influences may be upon it, at the end of the day, they are the one living it, and no one else will be able or willing to do the hard work of solving their problems for them. But at the same time, I think that offering a blanket prescription like “just get your physical affection from men” isn’t going to be a perfect solution for all individuals for a number of reasons - it can be offered as a potential solution, but if it doesnt work for someone then it doesn’t work, and they simply need to figure something else out.
But some responsibility, also, should go to parents and families to teach the skills of getting these needs fulfilled for their sons.
Beyond the individual, however, I think the largest share of responsibility belongs to the government - not to mandate some kind of social interaction, but to create the physical spaces where the social connections necessary to create this social interaction can occur.
Imo, these are the only places where we can really say “this is your responsibility and you are failing at it.” Otoh, we can offer to individuals that they can help if they want to - community leaders could create social spaces to facilitate teaching grown men these skills and providing a space for them to get them met. Artists and musicians, who create the images of our society, could make public examples for men to follow. And individuals, male or female, could choose to reach out to specific men in their lives.
I hate how people act as if it’s women’s responsibility to deal with this. Most men will be more open to physical affection from women than other men, but that’s because they already see it as inherently sexual. They might be weirded out if I (openly gay, read as a cisgender man) offer them a hug, and they might even get violent, but it’s still a lot safer for me than someone they don’t read as a cisgender man. To act like women should be responsible for teaching men emotional skills is ludicrous. Try that with the wrong guy and now you’re in trouble. Even potential or actual romantic partners should be dealt with on a case by case basis, not as a blanket “women should do X” statement.
It’s baffling how people will always default to demanding women do something about it, and then someone will bolt in a “and men should also…” comment as an afterthought. I’ve never seen the opposite.
p.s: I accidentally replied to the wrong comment, deleted it and replied here.
I mean, my perspective is that I was providing explainations for an observed phenomenon. I wasn’t defending women so much as I was providing explainations for their actions as reasonably rational humans. And then everyone jumped in with fangs bared.
Personally, my thought is that assigning responsibility to a particular gender for this sort of work is a misdirection. Really, I think that assigning much blame to anyone at all here is something of a misdirection.
The majority of the responsibility, obviously, lives with the individual. It’s their life. Whatever other outside influences may be upon it, at the end of the day, they are the one living it, and no one else will be able or willing to do the hard work of solving their problems for them. But at the same time, I think that offering a blanket prescription like “just get your physical affection from men” isn’t going to be a perfect solution for all individuals for a number of reasons - it can be offered as a potential solution, but if it doesnt work for someone then it doesn’t work, and they simply need to figure something else out.
But some responsibility, also, should go to parents and families to teach the skills of getting these needs fulfilled for their sons.
Beyond the individual, however, I think the largest share of responsibility belongs to the government - not to mandate some kind of social interaction, but to create the physical spaces where the social connections necessary to create this social interaction can occur.
Imo, these are the only places where we can really say “this is your responsibility and you are failing at it.” Otoh, we can offer to individuals that they can help if they want to - community leaders could create social spaces to facilitate teaching grown men these skills and providing a space for them to get them met. Artists and musicians, who create the images of our society, could make public examples for men to follow. And individuals, male or female, could choose to reach out to specific men in their lives.