Well thats it shows over its official. Im publicly out at this point. Finally told therapist, dressing girlmode most times leaving the house (even if its stealth girl) and have a gender pathways appt in 1 month from now (which i have confirmed now that ill WALK OUT WITH HRT😍😍😍)
It feels great! But im still scared of the rest of what comes. I wont lie, seeing the hate and outright violence against trans people right now makes me wanna go back into the closet and lock the door forever. But im trying my best to be brave.
But most of the important people to me know now. My daughter is the last one i need to talk with.
My therapists reaction “honestly a lot of stuff youve talked about makes alot more sense now” 😨 like gee thanks? I guess its good you were paying attention this whole time lol.
She also changed my gender in my chart, asked if i wanted my name changed but i told her no im not ready for that yet.
But it went well, and heres hoping the future is bright for all of us ❤️❤️
Im still scared But ill get through this Ill be strong
Hello Brooke, good bye Zakk(🤢🤮)
❤️❤️❤️
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Congratulations Brooke! You are already so brave and strong. You’ve got this girl!
It can only be up from here right? ❤️
Many of us are on the same journey, we’ll all get there together. Thanks for all the sharing you do.
If it helps someone even a tiny bit its worth it ❤️❤️
Yay! Awesome you rock girl! You’re braver than I am. Even of I started hrt earlier… 4 months soon! I don’t girlmode that often and still sad about it ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა
Last time I did I was for some groceries this week-end when visiting a friend living far away. I’ve been looked at as a freak because I was wearing a chocker. The rest of the clothing was “decent”. Some pants that could be worn by both gender and a top that is more feminine / alt.
I haven’t lived any physical aggression yet nor verbal abuse (probably because I’m not frail). Lost some strength though but I could punch an asshole or too if needed - easier said than done though since I don’t like violence.). The most violent thing I’ve done is slap someone who punched me way back in middle school. 😅
Im happy my partner is more aggressive, i get to be like “sic em babe” and off she goes to tear some chud a new asshole 😂😂
I love that you havent lived any violence! Lets keep it that way ❤️
For real though im shit scared of anti trans violence, one of my biggest concerns. I always think about Brianna Ghey and others like her (RIP 💔😭)
But like, bottom line, if something ever becomes a terrible situation, i generally have something to take care of that
Hi Brook! Thank you for sharing! And congratulations on the confirmed HRT! 🩵 I’m so anxious, because I’m having a phonecall with my family doctor this Thursday and she is supposed to decide whether or not to send me to a gender identity clinic to determine whether I have dysphoria or not. I feel quite ready to cast off everything that is societally, culturally and biologically considered male thank you… 🥺 what if my family doctor says “no” for whatever reason. 😭 I’ll get a second opinion, of course, but the anxiety…!!! 🤣 aaaaaah I’m sorry. I just needed to vent and for now this is the only place. Which is to say, we’ll MAKE the future bright! Together! 💪🩵🩷🤍
Oh i was anxious all the way to telling her, and even after. I dont think the fear and anxiety ever stops honestly at this point. Its all about taming that fear and anxiety, and sending that shit regardless.
Im so happy i just have to walk in, tell them “hrt need, give now” and thats it ill have it. Being in oregon and an adult ig has its perks lol
I think her saying stuff makes more sense now relieves me in a way? Like, if SHE sees it too then im not faking it right??
Honestly, it’s quite a struggle to come to terms with it yourself. I can’t even imagine a professional telling me that I’m not, unless they are a terf and don’t want to be taken serious.
i went to my family physician completely unprepared, stuttered that I dissociate with my agab and he just looked at me confused and printed the required papers to forward me to a therapist. It’s not their job to determine if you are trans, it’s their job to forward you somewhere more specialized to make the call (decision).
You can do it, girl! 💪
Congratulations!
Exciting times! ❤️
Idk who that Zeek person is, but I’m so happy for you Brooke! Super jealous about your coming appointment! I want to ask a few of the girls from the trans-formers group I know where they went for their appointments, I’m hoping I can find someone closer than the state capital…
I’ve been trying to girlmode whenever going out even if I have to leave the house and come back in boy clothes… Today I had to go to the store so I had my bra, some small silicone fillers, a compression cami on, and a “unisex” t shirt (that says “ice can gargle my balls”) with basketball shorts over everything. I had a few people staring at me from the side since I’ve been wearing my hair in a decidedly femenine fashion or putting it in a high ponytail… Other than being called a f* one day by some Douchebags at the park, Its been fairly smooth sailing since I don’t go to densely occupied spaces often.
I’m not looking forward to talking to a doctor, I’d rather they just listen to me and do what I want rather than poke and prod and question to find out if I fit their tiny Checkboxes and if they decide I’m not miserable enough then I don’t get to be who I am… Lol I should probably be in my own therapy
As usual I’m wishing I could pack up and move to PNW 😭
Thank you for sharing, as usual it’s a nice inspiration and motivation for future goals!
If you dont mind me asking what state are you in?
I know it sucks sometimes but remember its a marathon not a race, things will happen when theyre meant to (not in a religious way 🤮). I feel like thats what doctors should be doing, idk where you are but here most of the time theyll take what i say at face and either come up with something or at least have an idea of which diagnostic route to take. Atleast in my experience so fsr. But i am going to start hrt soon soooooo yknow. Disregarding medical transphobia, women receive lesser care in general compared to men. We’ll see what happens i suppose.
It was scary today but im ready for it. Youll get there too! Or figure yourself out in a different way than me or whatever happens! It’ll be wonderful, and im rooting for you!
I have felt high basically ever since therapy lol
Ohio. The memes aren’t far off, we have some nice state parks but that’s about it.
I’ve never been good at marathons, but the second best time to start training is now…
I can imagine it felt great after therapy! Having people listen and take what you say seriously is always good to have.
I’m sure I’ll figure out something, I live in the southern half of the state, but at least the capital is smack in the center, so I’m not driving 6 hours if I have to go that far…
Ohios not great from what i hear. Sorry that not everyone in power is on the same page and some of them would rather live with their heads firmly implanted in their ass
Yesterday was craaazyyyy, i honestly felt fucking high.
She asked me my pronouns?! Ive never been directly asked that before it was a weird warm feeling lol
She asked me about changing gender and name like wtf my anxiety said youd be a monster about this why you be so cool??
The thing that is REALLY sticking with me is her saying alot of my stuff makes more sense now. Like she might as well have said" yeah i figured" not that its a bad thing! But like i was faking being a boy you were supposed to believe it and tell me im good at acting not tell me about the hunch you had the whole time lmao. At least shes been listening 🥰
But yeah, its day fucking 1 girls lets
Day 1 of my new life
Day 1 of not lying to myself and everyone else
Day 1 of getting to finally love myself, which i thought was fucking impossible
I dont see a world where i go back❤️
