Maybe don’t say fuck it all the time but if it feels like it might be a good idea.

That entirely depends on your perspective. I do what I think does good, when I’m able to.

So does everyone else.

Honestly, this sounds awful.

Initially I was wondering if you’re the one putting the pressure on yourself, but as I read on … you’re clearly not.

I’m assuming you’re both adults and you made choices that led you here. Now you realize it’s time for you to make different choices and that means your partner has to figure some stuff out (and likely so do you). That’s fine.

What you and/or they might be doing right now is comparing the suffering:

Is it worse for you or them if you end the relationship? How can their problems be mitigated to come out of this even?

Unfortunately suffering is always bad and there is no point measure of meltdown where one person objectively suffers more. There’s also no mitigation, you stand where you stand.

Be as gentle as you can, but with this sort of dynamic also be very clear, announce and enforce your boundaries.

In my opinion the next step is theirs to do:

Find support, reach out and explore their options. That’s not for you to do, because otherwise it may always be “thanks to you” and not their own achievement. If they get this right once, they can do it again, that’s a big confidence boost.

You could leave them a list of support groups or other places where they can find help, but that’s as far as I would go.

It’s important to understand that they’re not doing this to hurt or harm you, but it’s just as important to know that it’s still the effect they’re having and stop them right there.

Good luck!

I’ve got better things to do than survive.

(Just in case anyone gets this wrong: Survival alone is usually quite little to keep you happy, so it’s about going for the stuff you want and taking the risks you need to get there. Anytime I worry about making myself vulnerable, I tell myself this.)

People are generally convinced I’m vegetarian or vegan. I’m not.

Sometimes it takes them eating with me 3-4 times to realize “Wait, you eat meat??” … It’s strange, I seem to have a veggy vibe.

I’ll try and keep it universal.

Don’t do stocks short term, if you want to invest before having money, go for an ETF savings plan (some money every month into the same ETF) and maybe something your government co-funds.

You can buy stocks once it doesn’t hurt and you can hold them with no issues. But ETF are good and safe.

Find what comes easy to you, invest in that. You’re good with people? Great, so work with them. If you’re cool with having conflict with them, gain some knowledge in a field where they need you to say “No” professionally and reap the benefits (Auditors aren’t poor people, neither are managers). If you’re not a conflict person, maybe you enjoy Sales, if you fall in-between, project management may work for you. If you’re a technician go be a technician, you’ll always complain but never be poor and usually you’ll enjoy the complaining. Or maybe there’s a trade that you can really enjoy, that’s great too.

Important is that you don’t have to try hard to hit the basic goals every day, there should be some ease in what you do, cause you can’t always be at 100%.

Talking about 100%:

80% is enough. It’s fine to stretch for the ceiling, but keep in mind that it’s a stretch. It’s okay to not reach it, you’re not a worse person for it, you’re a better person for trying.

“Fake it, till you make it” works, but you have to be ready to make some mistakes. They happen to everyone, you’re not alone. And it also works if you want to be happier or wiser or just a little more fit. Just keep at it, if you occasionally drop the ball, pick it back up and keep going. Each time you pick it back up, you learned something new.

Last and most important:

You as a human being don’t need to do or be anything to be whole and complete and worthy of love. You’re fine just the way you are.

That doesn’t mean you should stop trying to be who you want to be, it just means that your value isn’t determined by money or business achievements. There’s joy in progression, go get what you want, just don’t measure your value by that.

My experience as a young woman was, that young men learned to be a different person, when not in front of their peers.

This was pretty universal where I grew up. I was surprised how men from (some, not all) other cultures were so comfortable showing each other that they cared about each other. That didn’t necessarily make them better allies to women, but sometimes it did.

None of this is good.

I’m a big fan of showing vulnerability, but it really is a journey to do this not just in relationships or with friends but go beyond that.

Good job on noticing that things can be better. Let’s make them so.

I work with people and I always try to help them be gentle with themselves. I’m incredibly bad at that … Baby steps are my endgame.

If I had kids, I would take them seriously. Just because they’re kids doesn’t mean they don’t know how they feel or what they need.

It looks to me like they’re trying to make the best out of a bad situation. There’s more tariff now on EU goods, but it may keep the US involved in Ukraine while the concessions made on the EU side aren’t massive in the grand scheme of things.

At the same time this deal says to everyone who’s looking “We try, despite our differences”, which makes it rather difficult to paint the EU as the bad guy if he reconsiders.

At the end of the day what the EU wants to be internationally is a reliable partner. That’s what trust is built on.

10 hours - hi!

I get teary eyed, but I rarely cry. “The penguin of my life” was my last big challenge, so mean. Great movie though.

And yes, at some point you really want Red to have his little piece of heaven.

I think I am more open for this since I’m older (40s), when I was young I would’ve never let myself be that open.

I think I’d like myself as another person, but am still properly critical of myself as me.

Absolutely is. Had a colleague who also looks like a sad puppy when just looking normal/serious.

This is beautiful. Thank you.

Quit school (college level, but where I am it’s just another part of school) when I could (I had the right age to make it my business), without ever discussing the matter. Just came home and said I quit school.

Edit: Oh damn you wanted a reason. School was hell for me, I hated everything about it. I had spent about 6 months exclusively doing the classes I was interested in and nobody even took notice. I figured they weren’t gonna kick me out at that point, so I quit.

It vastly depends on everything else.

You can be a dude with a normal life, who just makes conclusions faster and you’ve learned that everyone likes how smart you are and you enjoy this.

You can be a restless mess, because you’ve known all your life that there’s nothing to compete with and it’s difficult enough to find someone to even have a somewhat decent conversation on your level with. These people come with or without the arrogance you’re thinking of right now. Some are just genuinely kind and thoughtful, but always a step ahead without even really appreciating their ability much.

You can be an absolute underachiever, because being smart was never rewarded in your life. Maybe you even learned that “You’re not special” so much so, that you punished others for not being able to draw the same conclusions as you in the same time, because you always thought they were just being lazy on purpose.

You can be entirely unaware and may say funny things like “I don’t think we’re all that many really smart people in $techplacewithclearlysmartpeople. I talked to most of them and I don’t struggle at all”.

Source: High IQ myself, working with other people who increasingly talk to me openly about this and their overall situation. So much of who we become is about what our parents do to us and if there’s understanding and love and support on that end.

Obviously there’s the whole spectrum thing as well. I don’t think a higher IQ means “more autism”, as someone suggested. I think it increases your chances of struggling with a regular (neurotypical) kind of life, for example because you are supposed to be interested in 1 subject (to make a career), but - similar to people with ADHD - may care for all the subjects.
If you think about what is neurotypical though, you can classify people with a particularly high IQ or people with particularly high sensitivity as neurodiverse in just the same way you do that for people with Autism or ADHD. Now if you think about humanity as a whole, we may all to some degree be diverging from the norm in any or all of these ways, but still be more or less free of struggle, because it’s not by much, while for the more extreme cases, they stand out for better or worse.

Hey, sorry it took me so long to respond.

I mostly meant the whole rejection/people being mean about it thing.

I get where you’re at, I’m 40ish and had the same problems a few years ago. Please don’t try where they work, that’s not cool, but other than that … why not, as long as a no is cool.

I used bumble at the time but ultimately the person I’m with now was someone I already knew. I don’t believe in apps, but it’s a way to get a feel for someone else, filtering out anyone who doesn’t want to meet someone at all.

I think meeting through hobbies (I think library or bookstore are kinda okay, particularly if you have a recommendation for the book they’re looking at) is the way to get to know someone, but whatever you try, I wish you good luck!

Since attractive just refers to outer features, if you’re interested only physically, that’s fine. If you want a relationship, pick something that describes your person of choice better or encompasses more features.

“I think you’re amazing, would you like to grab a coffee/dinner with me sometime?” would probably work.

If you choose to be this direct, make it clear you don’t need an immediate response. The other party didn’t have any time to prepare for this, so they may actually need to think about you in this way first of all. This may be the hardest part, because you will not know if you’ll get a reply (depends on maturity and courage). You could ask them again once, but then I’d drop it and just assume it’s a no, otherwise you may come across as pushy.

The reason most people don’t do this is, that they’re scared to be turned down or ridiculed (teenagers are assholes). I think from 30 onwards it gets a lot clearer and easier.

Good luck!

Cute used to describe a person? May work out in some cases, but in most it really will not for various reasons. She may feel you’re infantilizing her, you don’t find her appealing as a woman or appealing for the wrong reasons, you belittle her …

As many wrote, used to describe her choices it’s perfectly fine though.

If you’re looking for a way to express how this person makes you feel - for example a continuous stream of “awwwww” may be expressed by calling someone cute - rather describe your feeling: “I could fawn over you all day.” Ideally you also explain why, so it’s clear where this is coming from: “The way you dress is a perfect compliment to your outgoing personality. I really enjoy just watching you exist.”

Depending on who you want to be to this person and how far along on that road you are, my examples may work or be entirely out of question.