Mayor Poopington

Sometimes I need food fast

I have a tortilla pocket on my cargo shorts. It’s where I keep all my tortillas.

Oh my god you’re right, let me just flip this switch here. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that.

So that means people voted pro choice and still voted for the guy that will enact a federal ban

Can someone explain like im 5

fetal position in the bathtub, lights off, noize cancelling headphones playing static

The next time I see the word slam it better be like that time Hulk smashed Loki into the floor

“25% of our code was copied off of GitHub”

Menards are stuck to methighs

Just wait until until we get Earth Wind & Fire hurricanes. 200 mph gust of jazz ain’t nothing to joke about.

Well that was quite a read. Margaret Thatcher?? Even I have standards. The Onion couldn’t top this court case.

Next you’re going to tell me French fries arent from France

They laugh, but you never know when you may need a deep cycle marine battery

Not entirely true. A number of them are definitely spam, but there are many organizations that do text outreach and there is definitely a person at the other end. They will remove you from their lists if you reply with stop.

im the same except when i go loud i get hard

That one guy is pitching in $5 so now Google owes $10,779,224,060,605,346,999,999,999,999,999,995

These organizations trade phone lists, kind of like what telemarketers do. Sometimes the lists can be outdated. Unfortunately replying “stop” to each one is the only way that’s going to slow it down.

Can I have some? Im pretty good at the environment

I don’t even buy avocado toast, I should be a billionaire by now

Huh. I’ve never noticed that before