Here’s the original: https://ec.social-network.europa.eu/@EUCommission/116375194345663426

I would actually say that I do have dysphoria. I have been increasingly angry at my testicles for about half a year now. Every time I’m moving about in the city and get do something aggressive before calming down just 10 to 15 seconds later, I feel like “give me some scissors, damnit. I hate this!”

And then, every time I try to find a bottle of ketchup from the fridge and need to ask someone female for help because testosterone makes it impossible finding objects even if they are directly on the level of my eyes.

Plus, this week has been a wild ride regarding this. I’m getting all kinds of phantom sensory information about a body shape slightly differing from what I’m used to.

I do need to read more about this before I take any e, but in my specific case the recommendation was very welcome because I know how to Interpret critically. I guess they did manage to read a lot between the lines if the experience gas been very similar. But it’s very good to keep in mind that evetually thia conversation will be read by some other person with another background that might interpret my original text with different assumptions.

The suggestion is in a healthy consideration, and I’m very thankful it was made. It sped up my thought process by some days, and at my work it has been useful that I’ve made some surprisingly quick progress figuring out what is going on.

There is. But this isn’t easy at all. I’m trying to explore my mind to build an understanding of how I’ll be at my happiest.

I can currently say for absolutely sure that I need to get rid of my maleness. And I have often, for years, been envious to women for a lot of things they have in their lives. And if I imagine myself having female bodily features, that makes me feel all fluffy inside.

But at the same time, I have no good connection to what it would mean to live as a woman. At the moment I’d definitely want to want to be a woman also in my mind. But, all this caught me completely off guard, so it’s hard to be sure about anything. But, there’s plenty of time. I do need to urgently get rid of my maleness, and maybe (probably?) during the next couple of years a female identity will indeed grow into me and then I can continue that way. But that part must wait until my identity catches on. Now I’ve lost my previous gender identity, and sculpting a new one takes time.

What’s awesome is that while my mother was pregnant, she was sure that she’s about get a daughter. And she gave her daughter a name. And then, when I was born, she got caught a bit off guard. Not in the sense that she would have been disappointed, but she had had such a strong hunch about her child’s gender that she assumed sonething was telling her a fact.

So, when I was born and she noticed I have a penis, she had to think of a new name. And that’s what’s always been written on my documents. But, if I ever grow to truly feel like a woman, I have a name I can revert to! I’m hoping I’ll find use for it. In the meantime I’m going to be something in-between.

I used to be something between male and non-binary. Now I’m something between a woman and non-binary.

And yes, you’re right: there’s a lot of joy in that! And it’s good to get reassurance that there will be more. My intuition says there will be, but part of me tries to argue against that.

That is entirely possible. But it’s a hassle I would really prefer not having to go through. I’m feeling a bit lazy about this 😛

If I could just wholesale get a cis woman’s body, I would absolutely swap, that’s actually quite clear.

But I am not really sure that having the body of a trans woman would really be of any more use to me than my current body is. Or, in better words: I am completely unaware of how it could be useful for me. And I believe I might feel… incomplete?

But yeah, it’s true that this is something I must be ready accept if that anvil ever falls. I trust it will fall if it must.

Good advice, anyway. I’ll discuss it with my friends soon, among all the other stupidly confusing (and empowering) stuff. Estrogen sounds… Weird.

Need more data.