I went to therapy and now I’m a girl…

I clicked on CS2 at 3. At 5 it was at 80%.

Eleven eleven CE

I mean, you probably could eventually to some extent… definitely not enough to have a conversation, but you might be able to vaguely understand someone saying something to you.

Yeah, things that, so long as they don’t teleport somewhere for literally no god damn reason, will only change in response to something they do. If you plan for there to be a bandit camp in the, but they avoid it and set fire to the forest somehow, now forest bandits flee into the plains and set up camp again, interact with something there, or disband.

I think I’m still trying to get past some of that myself to some extent… I was into alternate universe stuff when I was like 14 or 15, and just randomly one day I thought of the universe where I was a girl and I came to the conclusion that I would be happier and more attractive in that universe… unfortunately I hadn’t had any exposure to trans people outside of the mockery present in pop culture, so I forgot about it and a few years later started accepting trans people (except I was always confused by trans men for some reason…). Then at the start of this year, after already questioning my gender for about another year, I remembered that conclusion…

Wait, you’re actually supposed to read the numbers on the dice? I thought it was just an aesthetic thing…

It gets fun when the side thought is longer than the original and starts getting side thoughts of its own. The context needs more context or nobody will get it.

Omg the first night I was with my friend after shaving my face for the first time in a while, before I was even 100% sure of anything he literally said something along the lines of “You know, you could really pass as a girl right now if you wanted.” Like, I hadn’t done anything special… I just no longer had a beard and had brushed my hair that I had gotten cut to dude length a few months before, and just Jesus Christ… then, his girlfriend said she didn’t see it, and I internally mostly agreed with her that I didn’t look remotely feminine, but still internally freaking out that he even said that… but then he had to clarify “You know, like one of those ugly short haired girls”, and just fucking Christ…

I still just feel the same mixture of giddy and dead inside thinking of it. He’s my best friend, but I wanted to both hug him and kill him. I honestly think it’s about 25% of the reason I’m still not out irl…