Oh good, you bought pre-peeled garlic that came in a plastic container rather than peeling the natural container it comes in…

He said the ashtray, not grandpa’s urn…

You paid money for that shirt?

Yeah I’m not sure why they bothered arguing with either an obvious troll or an idiot.

That’s how you get a lot of carbon or other partially cooked food in your next meal.

What? Cherry tomatoes are good

Of course

Well there is a perfect nursery song for your kid

Especially the phrase slay queen.

Nah, not handling gluten is your body’s way of saying you shouldn’t exist.

Any Christian that finds this offense clearly doesn’t understand what their religion entails. This doesn’t say anything that the Bible already doesn’t and if they don’t like that then maybe it’s a problem with their religion…

Sounds like a Minnesota problem that my California ass wouldn’t understand…

No it’s Scott Pilgrim

Don’t worry. They’re working on that. I have to start going back to the office 3 days a week :(

Mrs. Incredible has those dangerously thicc thighs

It’s better to start with berries and hunting first. Farming takes too long to start with.

Damn, I’m glad my cats are better behaved…

Cheddar isn’t the only kind of cheese…

Assistant TO the branch manager

Mine is starting to double click, but I’ll probably get the same one again like a bitch