Yeah I feel that. If I try to do a masc voice now I just sound like a girl trying to make herself sound masc. Doesn’t really bother me that much though. I don’t have any desire to ever sound like a boy ever again.

HunterXHunter, Alluka was my favorite character. I’m a huge weeb if that wasn’t obvious.

I don’t try and make characters that look like me or how I want to look. I just make different cute girl characters. In the past before I transitioned I used to design characters based on how I wanted to look and it was a form of escapism for me. But now I don’t really do that, I just design cute girl characters, that usually don’t look like me.

I’m so sorry that you had to go through this, this post was painful to read. I’m non-OP myself and while I considered surgery before, I ultimately decided it wasn’t for me. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through this, but I do want you to know there are people who are there for you. I know others have said this but please look for a therapist, and try to find some IRL support groups. I know it’s hard but things can get better.

Thank you.

I’m weak and small, I was even without HRT. If I started a fight with someone, even someone average male strength and size, they could kill me easily and I would be powerless to stop them. Someone did try to kill me once actually, 3 months ago. He tried to strangle me because he thought I looked at his kids, he only let go of me because a woman saw him doing it and screamed. He droppped me and ran so quick I barely saw him running away. I don’t know if he was caught. I know I still have nightmares about being strangled, while he yelled at me saying I’m a child molester, and his horrible breath which smelled of pasta sauce.

They were from somewhere else. I reported them and blocked the account.

I peed standing up. I had to go so bad. If I tried to go sitting down I would’ve peed myself. I thought the bathroom was empty and no one would notice but someone came in while I was peeing. I do take HRT and I’ve completely socially transitioned but even though I think I pass well people can still tell. I guess I don’t pass that well. I don’t think it’s my voice, I’ve voice trained and my voice sounds fem enough that people on the phone can’t tell. It has to be my appearance.

I know but it’s hard when everyone puts me down or even tries to hurt me. When I feel like I’m so utterly alone and even those who claim to care about me can only give me hollow reassurances about how everything will be alright but I know everything isn’t going to be alright. Trump is in office. Ice is killing people. For all I know I’m next. Is that even possible? Maybe? I don’t know. I wish I could stop crying. I need to stop crying. I can’t stop crying, everything is just so horrible! 😭

It’s not just them, it’s everything now. When I walk down the street people stare at me like I’m some abomination. Mothers coax their kids to look away, they walk away. Like I’m scary. Like I’m disgusting. People sneer at me, people make fun of me. Some lady the other day called me a pig because my feet were facing the wrong way in the bathroom. When I went to the library the librarian called me sir constantly even when I asked to be called ma’am nicely. Librarian told me not to be rude and still called me sir. Shit sucks now. The world sucks. People suck. What’s the point of being yourself if everyone hates you!