Like for example, people who’ll ask how you are like 5 times in a conversation or make it about the weather. Things you know will last 2 minutes at best.
I’m asking for examples and answers. Not a stupid debate, here. Why are we complicating this?
Like for example, people who’ll ask how you are like 5 times in a conversation or make it about the weather. Things you know will last 2 minutes at best.
I’m asking for examples and answers. Not a stupid debate, here. Why are we complicating this?
In the nicest possible way, this is a skill issue. Get better at having conversations.
As someone willing to admit it is a skill issue, how the fuck do you learn to talk to people?? I have no fuckin clue man.
Practice practice practice. I spent two semesters in undergrad sitting at random peoples tables and striking up conversations with them. Get over your anxiety about being disliked. The worst you will do is leave someone with a moderately awkward experience, and you will never ever see them again.
Make a conscious decision to put your phone away and attempt to connect in public spaces. Technology has made it so that even the smallest inconvenience can be avoided easily. Learning to small talk is going to be a hell of a lot more worse than an inconvenience. You have to get comfortable with the idea that you will be acutely aware that you suck the first dozen times that you do it.
Active listening. Get people talking with an easy question to expound upon, then pay attention to the answers and ask them to elaborate on anything they mention in passing, ideally things you find interesting. “Tell me more” is your biggest friend here.
“Yes and”, not “No, but”. Agree, emphasize, respond, empathize. If they say something, totally repulsive, try to deflect to something else rather than actively confront.
Open ended questions are your best friend. If the question you’re formulating can be answered with yes/no, rephrase it into something that invites explanation.
When you have struck gold, stop looking. Let people talk about things they wanted to talk about. As you do this more and more you’ll start getting a sense for when they’re running out of things to say vs when they want to continue but are concerned they’re talking too much. For the former, go back to step 3 and ask them about something else they mentioned. For the latter, learn the methods for communicating your interest. Eye contact, an open posture, a micro-smile, tilted head, all communicate that you are engaged and listening. The secret sauce here, though, is to just repeat the last couple of words they said back to them. It’s like magic.
Unlike OP, you’ve just demonstrated a fantastic triat; humility.
Half of being good conversation is being someone people want to talk to. Nobody likes talking to an asshole, even if their thoughts are interesting.
Another tip in addition to the other reply is to practice using therapy talk. Not enough people qualify their statements correctly and it can come off in any number of ways, including preachy, condescending or firm.
I could say “Trump is a criminal” it might come off as very opinionated which some people don’t like, even if they agree with you - it’s just not a very likable personal quality.
But if I say “I’m convinced Trump broke the law” it comes off a lot less assertive. You’re merely stating what you think while also creating the impression that your opinion is tentative. If someone disagrees with you, they’re more likely to explore the reasons in detail, as opposed to defaulting to an argumentative position.