Helium mask.

I went through a serious bout of cancer when I was 30 and saw what it looks like trying to fight the inevitable. I’ve been cancer free for about 9 years now, but the suffering I went through and saw in others left its mark on me.

When I do finally get sick again, I will go out on my terms, not the disease’s.

I’ll probably get bodied by a massive SUV while cycling

My username

By nobody stopping me from building my own helicopter.

One side of my family is all heart disease, the other side is all cancer.

I’ll obviously find a way to die of heart cancer.

My main mode of transportation is a bicycle and I live in North America. I will likely die spread out on the asphalt when someone runs me over with their oversized SUV/truck after they blow through an intersection out of turn while on a Facetime call.

No amount of defensive riding will protect you against that, unfortunately.

I hope it’s not for a long time. I grew up seeing my great grandmother age gracefully and finally pass in peace in her favorite chair reading John Grisham novels. I admired that woman so much, despite the fact that she lived alone, her life partner long gone, she enjoyed her humble life in her cozy home.

I hope to do the same, for my heart to just stop beating in my advanced age. I’ve told my family that I don’t think I’ll mind even if I’m the last to go, I want to see how it all ends. I want to see the good and the bad of everything. I want to live as long as I possibly can.

Cancer is a fairly safe bet; I’m in the western world.

CW: Grim content

I’ve thought about this, and having worked in hospitals and nursing homes, I’ve seen a lot of people die, so it’s given me some perspective.

My husband is the closest person to me by far. He also has a lot of chronic health problems. I suspect he will pass away before me.

The older I get, the fewer people I have in my life. In my 20s and into my 30s, I had a lot of friends, but little by little they’ve fallen off. I’ve got a couple friends in my MTG playgroup and one friend who I go longboarding with in the summer, but beyond that, I’ve pretty much lost touch with everyone. This only gets worse as time passes.

Best-case scenario is that I die in a nursing home or hospital, completely alone. Maybe my nieces and nephews might visit sometimes, but there’s no way I’d ever see them frequently, nor should they feel compelled. I’ll be old and confused in a strange scary place, with people talking in that condescending baby voice that I saw a lot of CNAs and nurses use. If I’m still able, I can play video games or something up until the end, but I have reason to suspect I have the beginning of Parkinson’s like my dad, so slim chance of that. I’ll just die staring at the ceiling, in a completely emotionless void.

Worst-case scenario (most likely) is that I get put in a nursing home but evicted for being too poor. Then I’d just die faster out on the streets or something, or in a shelter. And come to think of it, this might actually be the preferred scenario.

Either way, I’ll certainly die alone and unloved.

I’ve planned my death, but I won’t tell anyone the details because I don’t want to be distracted from the experience.

I’m not depressed or suicidal. It’s something I’ve planned for old age, when I’m becoming invalid.

My luck I’ll somehow live forever; if only to suffer the consequences of life. But if I had my way, I’d love to go “peacefully” in my sleep. Just lay down one night and never wake up.

Statistically? Cancer or heart disease.

I have an infallible Machine of Death Certificate indicating I will die of “knife justice”.

My great-great-grandfather was murdered by an iceberg in 1875 and some days I feel a mysterious chill breeze that suggests it’s still out there and not finished with my family. Or my arse. Probably that now I think of it.

Heart attack or stroke