- cross-posted to:
- the_first@lemmy.thenullcore.com
- cross-posted to:
- the_first@lemmy.thenullcore.com
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The problem is the other people in their 30s are boring, miserable, and second-guessing their life choices constantly. Even if they made the effort to be friends, I couldn’t stand them. The only people that don’t do that are my friends…my old friends…in my old city…far, far away… Oh, god I’m miserable and second guessing moving here.
My 30s were so so so much better than my 20s, it wasn’t even funny. I partied practically non-stop from the point my 1st marriage ended in my early 30s, to when my 2nd one began at 41. I made tons of new friends, dated around a lot and had the best time of my life.
Now that I have 2 kids, a stressful job and my money evaporates the moment it hits my bank account, I also have lost all my friends. The only ones I have now are other adults with kids around the same age as my kids, because that’s pretty much the only time you get to socialize with other adults.
The secret is: hang out with people younger than yourself and/or get involved in a scene. I’m a musician so I just went to shows or met people at mine. It doesn’t have to be that though, I also joined a volleyball team and while I stunk up the joint, I also got to meet a bunch of cool people. Really most friendships are based on proximity and common interest, so if you’re into movies, go to movie festivals or special showings. Go to meetups, get involved in a political campaign (if you’re political).
That’s my experience and advice too. I just naturally find friends that are on average 15 years younger than me. I’m early 50s and most friends are mid-30s. Working at a university for years sort of established that pattern and it has remained even though i went corporate.
I mean, have you met US Americans in their 50s? For me it’s the lack of imagination they tend to exhibit. I’m a perpetual child myself, no kids, no plans or desire for any. Younger friends have interests and dreams, still. I do too!
I find the quiet desperation that oozes from people in my age cohort to be off putting. If you are desperate, stop being quiet about it!
Having younger friends keeps me optimistic because younger generations seem to have looked behind the curtain and have partially deconstructed the illusions we are ruled by. Maybe there’s hope?
There’s a Rancid lyric that stuck with me:
“Some grow up, and some grow old”
I grew old.
I have 1 friend who I am capable of seeing irl on a regular basis, the rest dozen of them are all from back in the day and are literally scattered around the world.
It’s not impossible, that’s exactly how I was summoned
The trick is to have kids and then get them to be friends with the kids who have parents that look cool to you.
Early 30s here. Will any chalk do for the invocation?
Typically needs to be magically-infused calcite chalk for that traditional feeling that your new demon friend will appreciate and respect you for. If you can’t infuse the chalk yourself, store bought is fine but you might end up with unexpected results based on the source.
Death metal doesn’t help…but it’s still awesome.
I go for dulcimer stuff myself
I’m not far off my 40s but I make friends wherever I go. I just have some popular hobbies. I like to smoke weed and play guitar. Lots of my kind of people like doing that.
I’ve recently started a new job and have made loads of friends because I’m a guitarist and a pothead.
I love to smoke weed but I hate the people that smoke weed lol.
The trick is finding the people who smoke and don’t make it obvious.
I’m in my early 40s and joined a women’s only gym and have made lots of new acquaintances, one actual new friend, and a couple more in the works.
The advice to join a club or get involved in a group hobby has never really worked for me before, but I guess it’s not completely impossible.
The key thing in forming friendships is to encounter the person by accident. Making plans each time kills the bonding magic; you have to bump into them.
This is why regular presence in a social space is key. You need to have people you encounter without having specifically planned to see them.
I don’t know why this is, but it’s true.
You have to go where people are to make friends.
Join an amateur billiards team(you don’t have to be good. Most teams actually need lower skilled players in APA).
Go to local shows/concerts/events/street fairs/farmers markets
Elevate a work friend or an acquaintance to a real friend by inviting them out to something you’ve both talked about.
