I think I’m struggling a bit on my self acceptance.
For example, I know that HRT is something I want. But I’m not ready for it right now. I have this strong desire to start it and start a more noticeable transition, but after looking more into it I got scared and dysphoric almost about the whole thing?
I have moments where I’m confident and want to move forward but also moments where I’m scared and it feels like too much.
Plus I feel like I’m running out the clock on my transition. I’m almost 30 and only came out to myself and my wife a month ago. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of my life already in the wrong body and I feel like I need to play catch up almost.
I guess I’m wondering if these are common feelings people have when first starting off? Knowing that you want something for your transition but just not being ready yet. And this weird sense of time slipping away even faster than before? Almost like a mid life crisis… like a beginning transition crisis, lol
Just something I’ve been conflicted over the past week that I thought I would share with y’all. ❤️
Yeah that makes sense. I know I have aspects of dysphoria that have really ramped up since self accepting. Particularly body hair. I’ve always hated the amount of hair on my body and now I can’t take it anymore so I’ve been shaving like every other day even though it takes me so long 😭
But the next day I feel a lot better about myself so I try and use that as my motivator. Lol. Just got my first bit of femme clothing (undies) and almost cried putting them on (in a good way) so I’m just riding off that euphoria for a bit.
Funny enough, having my kid actually put all of this into high gear for me because he loves me for me. He loves that I’m affectionate and more motherly and when I realized I felt more like a mom than your typical “dad” I knew something was happening in my subconscious. So the prospect of having a second when/if my wife and I are ready has a lot of mixed feelings attached.
Thank you so much for your input and perspective! :)