I was in denial about being a MAP until rather recently, maybe a month ago or so. Before then I would consume lolicon content but I told myself that I wasn’t attracted to irl kids. This was not true at all, but I managed to stay in denial about it for years.
For most of my life I always made a conscious effort to avert my eyes whenever I saw a young girl. I was afraid to look at them I think, because I would have had to confront the fact that I am attracted to prepubescent girls. I had gotten used to doing this, but one day a MAP friend I had been talking to online recommended I try looking at a girl. He reassured me that simply looking and even having sexual thoughts wasn’t immoral, which really helped encourage me to actually look at a young girl in real life. At this point I more or less knew I was a map, but making an effort to actually look at a girl was what I needed to confirm it in a way that I couldn’t deny.
I’d love to hear about others’ experiences with accepting that they’re a MAP!
I was always so concerned about “not looking weird/suspicious” around young girls. You’d think that would have helped me figure it out, but in hindsight it was purely a way to avoid confronting my own attractions. Glad you were able to overcome it as well :)
Similarly, I remember watching Disney Pixar turning red for the first time. In the intro, meilin Lee shakes her butt in front of the camera. I turned my head away cuz I thought it would arouse me and that it was a bad thing
Long story short, this caused me to join virped as I thought I was a sick pedo that needed help. Then I joined voa, then freak u, and now look where I am :3