Hear me out on this: God is creating jobs for the community. If there weren’t stupid people around to get hurt, the smart ones wouldn’t have anything to do!
Or he sucks so bad at planning that he can’t make people happy without also hurting others.
“But happiness would be meaningless without sadness to compare it to!”
Bitch were you never happy before you learned what cancer was? Did you start enjoying life the moment you figured out what rape is? “Boy I sure am glad I’m not being raped today! Much happier than I would be if I didn’t know there was an alternative!”
I hate this phrase so, so much. Sometimes babies die within days of being born with no chance of getting baptized. Don’t people realize that the implication of this is that God is dooming them to purgatory just to spite the parents? Do they not Pealize how fucked up that sounds?
or when someone gets the benefit of excellent medical care and thanks God for it. ugh. A lifetime of dedication by the doctors and scientists that brought you this cure? A distant second place.
I actually love this one, because it’s technically correct but not in the way people who use it mean, so you can turn it around easily.
Yes, you did get cancer for a reason. Because you insisted on maintaining your suntan every winter. Or perhaps merely because you pissed off the wrong banana.
“Everything happens for a reason”
The cancer disagrees.
Or worse: “it’s all part of God’s plan!” every time something bad happens. “So… God’s a sadist, or what? Cuz his plan is shit.”
God did ruin Job’s life over a bet with Satan so maybe this is less of a plan and more of a downward spiral gambling addiction
Or the related one: “I’d like to thank God for coming through this surgery.”
What about the doctors, nurses, and various other staff members?
As a surgical tech, I have to bite my tongue when this pops up. Like… bitch, your god sent you to the OR in the first place - you should be pissed!
Hear me out on this: God is creating jobs for the community. If there weren’t stupid people around to get hurt, the smart ones wouldn’t have anything to do!
Or he sucks so bad at planning that he can’t make people happy without also hurting others.
“But happiness would be meaningless without sadness to compare it to!”
Bitch were you never happy before you learned what cancer was? Did you start enjoying life the moment you figured out what rape is? “Boy I sure am glad I’m not being raped today! Much happier than I would be if I didn’t know there was an alternative!”
I hate this phrase so, so much. Sometimes babies die within days of being born with no chance of getting baptized. Don’t people realize that the implication of this is that God is dooming them to purgatory just to spite the parents? Do they not Pealize how fucked up that sounds?
or when someone gets the benefit of excellent medical care and thanks God for it. ugh. A lifetime of dedication by the doctors and scientists that brought you this cure? A distant second place.
I actually love this one, because it’s technically correct but not in the way people who use it mean, so you can turn it around easily.
Yes, you did get cancer for a reason. Because you insisted on maintaining your suntan every winter. Or perhaps merely because you pissed off the wrong banana.
In my case, it was through no action of my own and merely bad luck. So the only “reason” would be bad luck or a shitty all-powerful deity.
That’s the malicious banana. Everything happens for a reason, but that doesn’t mean it’s reasonable
Hmmmm I do love to eat bananas 🤔 BRB, off to sue Chiquita
I mean, technically it did happen for a reason. Your body hates you.
Also, my sympathies for your condition.
To be fair I’ve been abusing with alcohol since my late teens. So I guess we’re even now.
SUCK ON THAT CANCER!
Children starving to death
I usually answer “if you say so”