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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/throw_awayayayeh on 2023-10-07 07:11:21.

I (28F) got berated by my partner’s (28M) stepdad (60ishM) and was in shock shaking, hyperventilating and hysterically crying when all was said and done.

A little context, my son was born last fall and I suffer from postpartum depression and anxiety, along with severe unmedicated adhd(bc breastfeeding), lifelong depression and anxiety, ptsd and constant dissociation. Hence the little breakdown I had. I do my best everyday to not succumb to my issues but having a baby now and trying to figure out how to go about being a mom, it’s easy for me to let things slip through the cracks. My partner also has adhd so we tend to struggle to keep things tidy. We currently live with his parents, as it’s close to impossible to have your own home in California and we’ve been saving up to get our own place for next year. I’ve been living here since last spring and have only known his stepfather since. Also I should note, his name is on the house but it’s my partner’s mother’s house. She bought it, she’s been paying the mortgage for over 20 years now. They’ve just got married this past month and he’s only lived in the house in couple more years than I have. It’s my partner’s childhood home.

Now to the point, my partner’s stepfather was installing a baby gate at the base of the stairs and asked if our cat’s litter box was cleaned out last trash day because he said it smelled. Now the litter box is my partner’s job for our two cats but they also have a family dog that I’ll get into later. I told him it wasn’t cleaned and I would have cleaned it if I didn’t have a pulled muscle in my abdomen and if I didn’t have to watch my newly walking troublemaker all day.

This turned into him yelling at me that I never do anything and always make excuses for everything. That I never clean my dishes, never pick up after my son, ignore my son when I eat, endanger him, and basically said I’m good for nothing. I told him he had no right and no place to be saying anything to me like that but he said “Well someone has to”. It’s none of his business how my partner and I distribute chores and he was way out of line and disrespectful and rude. He said more things about me not working and not doing anything (like hello?? I’m doing full time child care with no breaks or meal periods and he has the gall to tell me that I should do more just because my partner has a job and I don’t??) There was more that I can’t remember but he was going off on me for about five minutes or more.

For some clarity, I always clean up my dishes and even do his dishes and my partner’s mothers dishes every morning after they eat breakfast because they always leave their breakfast dishes on the counter by the sink to clean later. The whole time I’ve lived here, I’ve only seen him clean his own dishes just one time when my partner’s mom was out of town for the weekend. Once. And he was mad about the one time dishes were left out because I had to deal with my crying teething son while my partner worked on his computer. The dishes were left out for a few hours at most because we were coming back to prepare lunches after the work was done. I always pick up after myself and my son whenever we’re in the shared living spaces. The only time I don’t is when my son needs consoling or my partner is home and he’s left to clean things. He said I always endanger my son because I leave him sitting watching Miss Rachel(where I can see him btw) while I use the bathroom with the door closed and because our room is messy. First of all, I close the bathroom door when I hear someone coming through the house because obviously I’m not going to go to drop a deuce with the door open as someone walks by. Second, my son is sitting in a safe place, where I can see him, playing with his toys and is less than 10 feet away from me. I don’t ignore my son when I eat, I’m just eating??? I don’t need to have him on my hip 24/7 and I’m allowed to have basic human rights and needs. And I’m sorry but when have clothes on the floor and toys become a source of danger for a toddler that always has someone watching him? Oh and that dog I mentioned? He always shits on the floor and I know this man sees it and just leaves it for me or his wife to pick up. I wouldn’t usually be upset about dog poop but we live in a small house with no designated area for my son to stay in while I take out the cleaning sprays to mop up the floor. So when I know this man has seen it and can easily clean it up but instead leaves it for the woman with a curious toddler to battle while also trying to not get shit all over my hands that’s when I get pissed off. That clearly says to me that no matter how smart he might think he is, he doesn’t have a clue about what it takes to be a mother and clearly has zero respect for me or his wife.

Now for the cherry on top, I want to preface this by saying that my mother and I have always had a strained relationship. She’s rarely supportive, always has something bad about me to say to others and has always compared me to my addict/felon/absentee father since I was a child. The one main thing she taught me growing up, was that I can’t depend on her emotionally and she proved that to me today. When my partners stepfather was done yelling at me he finished by saying that I lived up to every expectation my mother told them about me.

I don’t know exactly what she said but from her history and how he said it, it wasn’t anything remotely nice or supportive as a mother should speak about her daughter. My partner’s mother has always been supportive and has shown more kindness to me than my own mother has in the short time that I’ve lived here. It’s no coincidence that she wasn’t home when this happened and I don’t care if it was a moment of stress and he blew up on me, that’s no way to treat someone when you have no idea what they’re going through mentally. He’s never tried to get to know me and he always tries to correct me because he probably thinks I’m stupid too.

I just don’t know how to come back from this. I already live 6 hours away from my closest friends and barely have anyone to talk to and I just feel like I pour into everyone’s cups and my cup is always empty. I feel bad enough that this all happened but I don’t want to live in a place where I’m talked to like this and constantly getting rude side comments from him about how he thinks I should parent my son.

So, in your opinion AITAH?