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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/thejorpe on 2023-10-06 18:28:18.

I 28m have been neglecting my father for the past 10 years since he’s trying to reconcile with me and wants to be apart of my life again.

Every time he messages me I will bite back with an angry response of something like: “don’t talk to me anymore, I don’t care about seeing you etc”.

My parents divorced when I was 9 and was split custody until 12. He fought for years with lawyers to try and get full custody but didn’t win. Around 9-10 he married my stepmom and every since then I felt like I came second to her. She would tell him how to act and what to wear and my dad let it. My stepmom is filipina and was born in a different culture than the west.

One time my dad was wrestling with me as a joke and my stepmom comes around the corner and tells us to stop and asks my dad how old he is for acting that way.

A while before my dad kicked me out my sister was getting into fights with my dad and said she wasn’t coming back. So it was just me visiting my dad for awhile until one day I mistakenly spat on the carpet (was a young dumb kid just learnt to spit and thought I was cool). Both him and the stepmom are screaming at me and my dad says I’m not to return. He sat me down and gave me the talk of how I’m not coming back anymore. We can still talk on the phone but visiting is no more. I kept crying saying no please. And he said “ur giving me chest pains” and as a young kid I actually thought my presence was hurting my dad so I left willingly.

Now that I’m older and I’m starting a life of my own I specifically told him I want nothing of him and I don’t want him apart of my new life. I told him he needs to suffer as I suffered.

Am I the asshole? I feel like I still need a dad but he is not a dad he’s my father, one is earned one is given.