• Lian Dynn@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    12 hours ago

    I recently had my experience with a friend I really liked since we first met a couple of years back. Let’s say it didn’t go well and I discovered I have BPD. I already got a no for an answer and tried to move on, but it’s almost impossible. The last time I was this attached to someone, I stayed like that for around 8 years until I met her. Not sure it will be the same this time, but I’m afraid someone else will come and become that person again and repeat the cycle… It’s damn horrible.

    • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
      2·
      2 hours ago

      Not sure how old you are but I eventually got over that. For me being a lot more socially active and hanging out with a bigger group of people helped to get away from that.

  • green_copper@kbin.earth
    20·
    23 hours ago

    But what is the alternative, huh? Going outside and approaching someone (in a non-harassing way)? That would be madness.

    • TwistedTurtle@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      21·
      18 hours ago

      To be fair “non-harassing way” is a bit subjective. I’ve seen dudes have success with methods that I would consider “harassing”. I’ve also seen guys condemned as creeps for approaching women at what I’d consider a reasonable time & place.

      And the loudest most unreasonable people on both sides dominate the narrative online, which makes the whole topic seem more fraught to young guys than it really is in real life.

      The truth is one person’s “playful teasing” is another person’s “harassment”. You have to develop your sense of empathy and feel it out on a case by case basis. Pretending this black and white doesn’t help anybody.

        • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
          1·
          2 hours ago

          “Be hot” is subjective, and a lower bar than most people think it is. Taking care of yourself and making an effort to dress nice goes a long way. Personality also plays into it quite a bit. I got a lot more success when I started making an effort to maintain a positive attitude when I was out socializing and I’m someone the incels would tell you has absolutely no chance.

      • green_copper@kbin.earth
        8·
        18 hours ago

        To be fair “non-harassing way” is a bit subjective. I’ve seen dudes have success with methods that I would consider “harassing”. I’ve also seen guys condemned as creeps for approaching women at what I’d consider a reasonable time & place.

        Yep; and this is a big problem of mine. As I’m quite pessimistic my default assumption is that a simple greeting is likely to result in a negative reaction. A similar problem is approaching individuals / groups (for whatever reason) in general: are they free to talk to or is that a closed group who would feel bothered? Hard to see from the outside.

        You have to develop your sense of empathy and feel it out on a case by case basis. Pretending this black and white doesn’t help anybody.

        I agree. And as long as a no is respected promptly, no harm should be done by trying. But tell this my anxiety…

    • mctoasterson@reddthat.com
      5·
      18 hours ago

      Go to the hardware store and pick out light bulbs. It’s annoying because there are so many different kinds. You’ll end up standing there and talking to several people over a 15 minute period, commiserating over lightbulbs mostly. Some of them will be attractive women. There’s your jumping off point.

      • rumschlumpel@feddit.org
        2·
        17 hours ago

        Can’t confirm, last time I picked out lightbulbs I dawdled for quite a long time and didn’t talk with anyone.

        • green_copper@kbin.earth
          3·
          16 hours ago

          The probability of success of that method is directly proportional of the average talkativeness of the local culture. If you are somewhere where everyone is commonly minding their own business, then yea, good luck :/

  • rumschlumpel@feddit.org
    11·
    23 hours ago

    I would be suspicious as hell if some manic pixie dream girl showed up in my life. It would probably turn into a “Welcome to the NHK”-style story anyway, which is kinda fucked up especially the novel (which is the source material) and manga.