Welp. That didn’t last very long…
The splitting up I mean. I’m living with him again. And there’s a very good reason for it…
I HATE BEING AROUND MY DAD SO FUCKING MUCH

Don’t get me wrong, I love him and he loves me. It’s just that he’s genuinely such a grumpy old asshole sometimes…
The very first day I was moving in with him. I told him I was on the train with all of my stuff. Then, out of nowhere, my brother starts texting me, asking where I am. Okay, he’s at dad’s, not a problem, I thought.
When I got off the train, I actually saw my brother. We hugged and he asked me if I needed help with my bags, what a sweetie! And then I saw my dad, coming closer…
As soon as he got to us, he said, in a pissed of tone:
“Your brother has been waiting here for an hour”
Okay…I wasn’t expecting either of you to be here, waiting for me, but I guess that’s my mistake for making him wait, I’ll take the L. He repeated himself many times, until my brother told him that it wasn’t necessary to dwell on it. To that he replied:
“Yes it is. You know you’ve been waiting here for an hour, but he doesn’t” (gesturing at me)
Great. So one of the first things he does when seeing me is misgendering me. Thanks asshole.

We got in the car, so at least I didn’t have to carry my bags. I needed to buy a train ticket, dad volunteered to help me and pay for it. Really nice of him, thanks! Well…
He tells me to choose all of the options (destination, time of departure, etc.) and I do. From the next room, I can hear him and my brother talking. My dad’s misgendering me and deadnaming me. Just great…
He sits down at the computer when I’m done picking the options for my train ticket. He starts accusing me of “logging him out”, which tbh, I don’t even know how to do. I have no idea what the fuck he’s on about, but he keeps saying things like “You logged me out!” and “This is all messed up” when I literally just did what he told me to. He’s often like this, when dealing with technology. Everything is so much more complex and time-consuming with him, but he still insists that he has to do it himself and understand each step of the process.
It gets to be too much for me…I start sobbing. Tell him that this isn’t worth the ticket for me, tell him I can’t do this. He’s pissed. I go to the kitchen first, grab a small kitchen knife. Then run to the bathroom…
I have a crying fit while also cutting my left hand. God, I haven’t done that in so long…

Thankfully, when I come back, we manage to actually buy my ticket. I thank him, offer him money and he declines. I can now get to the Linux conference…
Next day, I wake up. My brother is gone. Say good morning to dad. Get a “Hello, sir!” in response. Thanks…
I have the most amazing time with the conference, with ChaoticNeutralCzech and lots of amazing people. It was great!
Come back, get misgendered some more. Fuck me for being alive, I guess.

Wake up the next day. “There he is!” is dad’s greeting. What did I do to deserve this?
Next day. “Good morning, sir!”. Fuck off, you pretentious asshole.

I was done at this point. I was convinced that I was gonna take my own life if I had stayed with this guy any longer. So…I texted my ex…
He picked me up. Dad was sleeping, sent him a message, apologizing for leaving, but saying he’s hurting me…his response?
“Old dog, new tricks…”

This is the man that has been telling me how he’ll “always be there for me, always support me” no matter who I am in life. This is the man that has pushed learning and education to me since I was a child. And now he can’t even learn my legal name and new pronouns…
Funny how he’s capable of “learning” a bunch of (to me) completely useless fucking facts off of Youtube from a completely AI-generated channel.

I’m…back together with my boyfriend. He’s no longer my ex. I’m not unhappy…but to be brutally honest, I was catching feelings for someone else already. Now I’m gonna have to repress and bury them deep inside me, which sucks. But at least I won’t be committing any time soon…which is good, I think?

I don’t like my dad. We used to be super close, until puberty. And I used to have a shitty relationship with my mom. Now that’s been completely flipped. Mom honestly tries her best, researches trans issues, gets my name and pronouns correct, always. She gives me clothing, tips and compliments. Being around her is a genuine delight.
Dad…he doesn’t even seem to try or care. I’m done being around him. I don’t care if he’s 78. I’m done…

Anyway, family rant over. I guess I’m back where I started. Living in Olomouc, with my boyfriend…except now, I have feelings which must die. I’ll be sure to get rid of them…

Edit: Totally forgot to mention, on top of all that, my legs are killing me. Started as calf pain in both legs, but now my right ankle is red and swollen af. I can barely even walk. It’s both legs, so it’s probably not DVT, but I’ll go see a doctor if there isn’t any improvement by tomorrow.