This is gonna be a bit of a weird one, try to keep an open mind.
I went to a nudist resort with a couple friends a few times last year, it was a good time, we’re hoping to go back a few times this year once the weather warms up again.
It’s not a sexual thing, it’s just nice to hang out without pants, no laundry to do when you get home, etc. There are some swingers who frequent it, but they’re very respectful about it, they’ll ask if you’re “in the lifestyle” but if you’re not they don’t pressure you and let it drop. None of my friends involved in this story are swingers.
I’ve been kind of floating the idea to a few other friends I thought might be interested. It’s a mixed bag, some are open to it, others aren’t, not really surprising there, my own wife isn’t interested, and I get that it’s not everyone’s thing.
Two of the people I floated the idea to are a married couple. We’ll call them Will and Janet (not their real names.) Will wasn’t interested, but Janet was open to it.
The resort posted their event schedule for this year recently, so I’ve been talking with the friends I went with last year to figure out when we want to go. We narrowed it down to a couple events we’re interested in, and I’ve been letting my other friends who were interested know so we can figure out our plans.
Janet messages me back after I tell her what weekends we’re planning on. Said she asked Will and that he wasn’t comfortable with her going so she’s going to pass.
And that just kind of rubs me the wrong way. Every relationship has a different dynamic of course, but personally I have a hard time imagining telling my wife that “I’m not comfortable” with her doing something she wants to do unless it is something outright dangerous.
Little extra context, we’re all in our 30s, we’re all mutual friends, it wouldn’t be particularly unusual for any of us to go hang out with anyone else in this group. I’ve hung out with with just Janet before, we have spare keys to each other’s houses, and I’m pretty sure my mom regards them as basically extras of her own children, in short we’re all close and trust each other.
The other friends I went with last year are similarly close, a couple, we’ll call them Erin and Steve. Will’s actually known Erin longer than I have, and probably worth mentioning, went skinny dipping with her and some other friends once back in their teens or early 20s. They never dated or anything like that, she’s just kind of “one of the guys” the dudes there were gonna jump into a frozen creek naked so she joined them. And Steve is a very chill dude.
Will is also not a controlling guy. This is the first time I’ve ever heard anything like that from him (albeit second-hand through Janet) very much a live and let live kind of dude. He’s maybe a little prudish and old fashioned in his own tastes, but accepting that his tastes aren’t for everyone.
I’m not really planning on pushing the issue, for all I know Janet got cold feet and is using him as an excuse, and unless I see any other sign of him getting weird, I’m just gonna chalk it up to their relationship dynamic being different from my own. But I just kind of wanted to see if that rubs anyone else the wrong way.
It doesn’t rub me the wrong way because it’s incredibly understandable. People are generally jealous, people have hangups with trust, people want to feel powerful.
Whatever the guy’s reason is exactly, he is essentially not fine with what his wife wants to do, and even if she is completely fine with not doing something to alleviate her husband’s uncomfortableness, the need to do so in the first place is simply sad. It would just be optimal if everyone could do whatever they want at all times.
I make it a point to figure out my issues (why am I uncomfortable with something?) and if it makes sense to get rid of it, to get rid of it. It’d be nice if everyone did that but people are often just not in a mental place to be able to do that.
So in the end, I do very much understand what you mean, however I don’t really get upset by this. It’s incredibly common to “restrict” your partner like this, I mean, monogamy itself is already a restriction. So like you said, you should just let people do what they do, and be happy that it’s not like that for you.