I’m 13y old that was recently diagnosed with ASD. School is starting soon, they surely haven’t changed nor a little bit. They’re just bunch of idiots that like to express their pain and anger on others. Or just fool them for fun. Reporting them does nothing (have been doing that for almost 6 years). It’s like reporting system in CP (Club Penguin), no one is even sure if it even does anything. I never do anything to them, I just stare at them or do something else. That I have blank face or sound calm dosen’t mean that I’m calm. When I answer in short sentences that either means that I don’t have inspiration to talk or that I hold lots of emotions in me. And, about blank face… I ALMOST ALWAYS HAVE BLANK FACE. I almost never express my emotions on my face. So, should I just throw a tantrum without caring for consequences or act tought. Does entire community of ASDers need to act like douchebags just to not be an easy target for bullying?!
P.S I’ve posted this in c/autism because I feel like this problem is deeply tied with my personality. -medvedev-
Unfortunately there is no universal solution, and in some cases there may be no viable solution. It might be best to just work on yourself and getting through/past it. You can always look for solutions, and certainly if they are violent or harmful you don’t want to just endure that.
Most of the times I tried to solve my bullying problems, they ended up getting worse. Basically any reaction is a positive response to them, but unfortunately “no reaction” is also a notable response, as you had to put effort into not reacting. There is a “correct” response that would help, but it’s whatever someone that isn’t us would do, so we’re out of luck on that, lol.
Basically, if they are just being annoying or mean, you can handle that. If they are doing more than that, you do unfortunately need to get help. Ideally from an adult if you have viable options. Another kid can help in some situations too, but use your best judgment that you won’t be putting the other kid in harms way. Some times it’ll work out, some times it won’t.
Being bullied is not your fault, even if it pretty much always feels like it. Try to see it from the point of view that you are doing nothing wrong. It’s kind of akin to sexual harassment, someone being harassed is not at fault. No matter how much they could change their own actions, it’s not on them to do so. They didn’t do anything wrong, the person harassing them is the one in the wrong. Same with bullies. While changing your actions could make you more or less attractive to bullies, it’s not on you to do so, the bullies are solely the ones in the wrong. But similarly to sexual harassment, it sucks anyway even though you aren’t doing anything wrong.
You will eventually be through the part of your life where bullying is a problem. The most important thing is getting through to the other end of it and still being as “you” as you can be. Bullying evolved from the pack behaviour of trying to make sure no one member of the pack stands out in any way. A uniform group is less likely to be attacked. It’s not a particularly useful behaviour anymore, but that doesn’t change instincts. And instincts have never been about how happy anyone was, they were only about survival and proliferation.
There are upsides to being different. Try to capitalise on your strengths, and prioritize shoring up your short comings based on which ones might specifically impede the path you want to take. There is not enough time to shore up everything. The main way our strengths and shortcomings work is as an effort multiplier. The things we are good at take less effort to build on, and the other things are rarely completely out of reach, but they will take much more time and effort. It sucks to work on a skill that you have incredibly inefficient gains for. It feels bad the whole time. But it can end up being very important. Just make sure to have balance, you don’t want to burn out.
Just know that there is eventually an end to it. I love my adult life, it was very much worth getting through everything I got through. I’m not an important person, but I’m a person that is important to some people. And I am happy.