I’ve actually been wondering about this for a while. Realised this is a really good place to ask!

So when you’re dating someone in Malaysia. How often do you like to check in with your partner? How much is too much or too little?

I’m a pretty independent nyet so once every couple days feels about right for me. And maybe share some funny link if it pops up. Any more and I start feeling this slightly smothering obligation hanging in the air. But I’ve heard a pretty wide range on what people think is normal / makes them insecure. Like some couples wish each other good morning and good night every single day kinda thing. (But also some couples wear 100% matching outfits when they go out. Pls just let me die instead)

  • jellodi@monyet.ccMEnglish
    2·
    1 year ago

    I think it’s cute to wear matching outfits when they’re like seniors though, no?? xD

    I don’t know, “check in” sounds so… I don’t know. Almost formal and separated. Of course, in my head I’m thinking these two people are living together. If they were, it’s natural to ask “want chinese for dinner?” stuff like that. I don’t know if that’s called checking in though. It’s only natural to communicate your day to day stuff.

    If living apart though… probably once daily on a minimum, yeah. But not like “what you had for lunch” coz i mean who cares right, after 1242342 lunches. But I do think anything less than that, relo is probably not a priority for them at that point. It shouldn’t feel like work. Aaaaaaaand if you need so much private space that you need to lock everyone out including someone you’re supposed to love… that just means that your work/life is out of whack… but I suspect you know that. :x

    • dcx@monyet.ccOPEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      Some lowkey burning here lol. I dunno, I don’t feel like quantity is well related with quality. Sometimes I gotta go in the cave and be a bear for a while.

      Or actually a cat I guess, I think @Enchanted is right. I get kinda “touched out” with too frequent contact. It’s nice to have the space to miss someone a little bit IMO

      There’s definitely an upper limit though even for you right?? Like if your partner was like pinging you for responses 30x a day

      • jellodi@monyet.ccMEnglish
        1·
        1 year ago

        well yeah, why do you think I only check our discord once in a while

        How do you reckon this works out when yall live tgt tho, or is it like, too far away for you to reckon?

        • dcx@monyet.ccOPEnglish
          1·
          1 year ago

          I just wrote a reply elsewhere, I think I clarified my position a bit for myself lol

          Hmmm. After bouncing this around in this post, I’ve concluded that I don’t mind pings throughout the day actually. It’s more about the expectation of being responsive at specific times every day, and always having to check my phone. I’d be totes okay with messaging if they were okay with me going dead for blocks of hours or a day or two here and there.

          • jellodi@monyet.ccMEnglish
            1·
            1 year ago

            wow… I’m getting a clearer idea of what your last relo may be like…

            I don’t think a functional adult relo could work like that long term with the constant need to respond tho. That sort of expectation was a phase that I did go through in high school. The feeling of knowing someone is just WAITING and is getting more upset with each minute that passes is guilt I don’t need atm. Like I feel bad, but not bad enough to do anything about it… Especially if the text is just “what’s your lunch?” ugh.

            We gots things to do when we’re at work, and when we’re not, we just really do the minimum needed to not get a stroke (some of us do push this to the limits though) while making the most out of our personal time.

            I think I should lay off the petrol on you. I don’t want to destroy our excellent professional relationship as it is. 😂

    • dukeGR4@monyet.ccEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      well maybe not ask what you have for lunch, but just sending a picture of food lol. my partner had two dogs, she also sent me pictures of them on the daily. Same dog, same face, same personality but it’s just nice knowing that they’re well and alive? until one of them recently passed.

      so there’s some comfort in knowing that the other half is alive, fed and being full.

      • jellodi@monyet.ccMEnglish
        1·
        1 year ago

        Sorry to hear about your fur baby T.T For most it really is like a child (I would argue better than a child, even…) but i ABSOLUTELY would trade good mornings and “what you had for lunch” with an actual picture of their lunch and 1000000000 times better if pets.

        I suppose I am okay if my SO sends me stuff for me to look at but expect no response, I would like to operate like that too while achieving the same goal (thinking of you) instead of the “Why did you ignore my question about your lunch but can respond somewhere else?” thing like arghhhhhh